Teenage Life
by HeckYeahDestielShipper
Summary: AU: Supernatural guys as teens. Castiel is a new student in a school in Lawrence, Kansas. Dean and Sam were never hunters because Mary never died and they've lived happy lives in their house. John is still a dick. Warning: Contains Sex, abuse and drug use.
1. Caseson?

_**AU: Supernatural guys as teens. Castiel is a new student in a school in Lawrence, Kansas. Dean and Sam were never hunters because Mary never died and they've lived happy lives in their house. John is still a dick.**_

* * *

**Castiel's POV**

Castiel walks down the empty school hallway with his brother Gabriel. Before today they were fighters and protectors, but today, they are teenage boys with hormones in a school in Lawrence, Kansas.

"What if we don't fit in?" Cas, unlike his brother, was a worrier; he worried about everything. Gabe was so chill about everything; he didn't care what anybody thought about him, he just wanted to have fun with life.

"Chill little brother, we'll be fine. Nobody's gonna suspect a thing."

Cas didn't like the way his brother was so calm about all this. "Gabriel, we just. . ." Cas makes a fact about whispering. "Fell from heaven. Exiled, gates closed. How are you so calm about this?"

"Easy: Dad's an ass, and he'll get over what we did and let us back up in no time. Until then, act normal."

"You mean, act humans."

"Yeah, what else? We're not dogs, lil' bro." Cas rolls his eyes and continues walking down the hall. "Remember, our father's name is Henry, and he's a business guy of sorts, and we're staying at the apartment. . . " Gabriel looks at his hand where he wrote the address they're pretending to be staying at. They don't actually have a home yet. "90 something. . . Anyway. Keep the cover, alright?"

"I know how to keep a cover, brother."

"Cool." They walk into a room with the label _main office _on the door.

"May I help you?" A lady who Cas thinks looked to be in her late forties speaks to them.

"Yeah, I'm Gabe, this is my brother Cas, we're new students here."

"Oh yes, I was told you would be coming in today. Is your parent or guardian here with you?"

Gabe shook his head. "No. . . He's some CEO or something of some stupid company." Gabe shrugs. "He thought we could come in by ourselves since we're old enough and stuff. Is that alright?"

"I suppose, how old are you, Gabriel, is it?"

"I'm seventeen, almost eighteen, my brother is sixteen." Cas just stands beside his brother, gathering his surroundings. There are many people behind the main desk staring at electronic screens or talking into rectangular devices. Even though they've been on earth for two, almost three days now Cas still has no understanding of anything on earth.

"Cas is it?" The woman behind the desk looks at Cas now. "Is Cas short for something?"

Cas opens his mouth to speak but Gabe speaks over him. "It's Caseson." Cas tilts his head and frowns at his brother. Gabe just smiles back, like he did nothing wrong. _So he gets to keep his name, but I don't. . . _Cas turns around and looks at the wall they walked in from. The wall beside the door is covered in pictures of faces with numbers on them. Cas recognizes some of the numbers for years, but other numbers seem random.

"Here are your class schedules. The lady behind him continues on, Cas is barely listening anymore, he only wants this day to be over with. This is the room number, that's the course code and this is your teacher. Your locker number is up top right here beside your name." Cas hears paper sliding across the counter. "Can you get to your homerooms alone?"

"Yeah, of course. Thanks, miss." Gabe grabs his brother's arm and they walk out of the office. When they're far enough away to be heard Cas stops and glares at Gabriel.

"Caseson?"

"Yeah?" Gabe's brows raise, questioning Cas for questioning him.

"_Caseson_?" Castiel's arms cross over his chest. "Really, Gabe?"

"What? Castiel isn't a common name, brother. We have to blend in. Don't want any demons after us. Especially not after how many we've slain." Even though he hates it, that his brother chose his name, and a weird one at that, Gabe does have a point. "It's the best I thought of, okay? If we have to leave towns you can pick the next name."

"Fine." Cas lets out a sigh and they continue walking down the hall. "Let's find 'homeroom', whatever that is."

"We'll find yours first." Gabe looks at a white and green sheet of paper. "273." He looks at a door as they walk past. "We've got a ways to walk, brother."

"As long as we get our grace and our wings back in the end of all this, I don't care how long of a walk it is, brother."


	2. Teen Dean

**Dean's POV**

School sucks. It's always sucked. Dean's not the smart one. That would be Sam, it's always been Sam. Dean tries, boy does he try, but he can never get anything but C's or D's. And he only gets C's because he knows how to flirt with Mrs Clark, his math teacher. Dean hates school, hates it. He only goes to school for two things; Sammy, and girls. Sam's a nerd, and needs protecting from the jocks and a-holes in this place, and girls, well, they love Dean so he loves them back. If Dean had to pick anything he was good at, it would probably be baseball. He's not that good at it, but he likes playing.

"Now can somebody tell me what X is?" Mrs C asks the class. She looks directly at Dean, who sits in the back corner half asleep. "Mr. Winchester?"

Dean looks up, dazed. "Yeah? I'm awake." The whole class bursts into laughter; the typical response to one of his comments.

"Do you know what X is equal to?"

"Not really. Can I go back to sleep now?" He folds his arms and puts his head down, playing along with his act.

"No. See me after class, Dean, please." Dean smiles, knowing this meeting won't be a bad one. "Does anybody else know the answer?" Hands shoot up into the air. Dean continues playing his little act and acts like he's asleep. After some time of looking at nothing but the wood on his desk he sits up a little and pulls out his notebook. Out of boredom he starts doodling little ninjas across the pages. He draws two ninjas fighting with their fists, others fighting with swords, and others cartwheeling off the page. He continues doodling until Mrs C. walks over to his desk.

"Mr. Winchester, are you working on your homework?"

"Do I look like I'm the type of guy to do my homework?" Dean replies, not looking up from his page, though no longer doodling.

"Dean, could I see your agenda, I would like to write a note to your parents." Dean rolls his eyes but lazily hands the agenda over anyway. Mrs C. takes his pen out of his hand and scribbles something on it. She hands it back to him and walks away. "Try harder, Winchester." She mumbles as she walks away. When she's gone Dean looks at the note. _How quick can you make a quickie, kid?_ Dean holds back a smile as he rips the page out of his agenda. He tosses everything in his bag and puts the bag over his shoulder. He walks by the trash and throws the note in it, after ripping it up a bit. That's their code. If he throws it in the trash he's aiming for a higher grade then if he tosses it in his backpack.

"Yo, teach, I'm uh go take a shit, 'kay? I'll be back. Or not. I don't know yet." He walks out of the classroom. He can hear Mrs C. calling after him. "Winchester!" But he keeps on walking until he gets to their closet. He steps in and waits for her. Then the bell rings and she's there in no time.

"Seven minutes." She reminds him, like she always does. "Seven minutes until the next class starts."

"I know." He rolls his eyes, already positioning himself around her.

Seven minutes though, go faster than you would know, and she's gone before he's finished. He stands in that janitor's closet alone and feeling more empty then when he woke up this morning, which was empty enough as it was.

He sits in that closet alone until the second bell rings, and then he leaves and walks late into history class.

He looks at the floor, hands in his pockets, bag over one shoulder. When he gets into class he doesn't notice the two sets of feet standing in front of the desk much before he bumps into them. He barely looks up because the class is laughing at him and doesn't even bothering to apologize. He just shuffles out of the way and walks to his desk in the back corner of class.

"Great of you to join us, Dean." Mr. Garrison calls to Dean, who still hasn't looked up from the floor. "As I was saying. . . Class, this is Caseson Smith, he's new, and will be with us for the rest of the semester. Be nice to him, and help him out in anything he might have missed."

"Where do I -" The shy boy up front barely speaks, his voice so quiet and shy.

"There's a seat next to Dean in the back, he doesn't bite, do you, Dean?" Dean finally looks up, shaking his head. When he stops shaking his head he can't help but stare at the new kid. He looks so different from every other person on this planet. "See?" Mr. Grim continues, "He's fine, go sit."

Dean can't tear his eyes away from the new kid. He watches as he walks down the aisle and sits in the desk beside him. Caseson? What an odd name for such a handsome face. . .


	3. Mr Rude Dude

**Castiel's POV**

Cas hated his first class, it was English, which seemed like a completely useless class to take in a country that speaks English. What was the point of learning English if you already speak it? This class would be much more useless in another country, such as Russia, Germany, or Brazil. But in the United States? Useless. He told Gabriel about this during the time in between classes and Gabe's reaction was "English? In an English country? Why not teach them French? Or Italian?"  
Maybe it's because they were angels who know everything except why humans do the things they do, but they didn't understand, or like this English in an English country thing. Hopefully it'll make sense to them before they get let back into heaven.

"Class, little brother." Gabe nudged Cas and Cas stood there looking at his brother questionably. "I saw other humans doing it. I'm trying to blend in."

"Oh." And Cas nudges him back with his elbow. "I'll see you later, I suppose, brother."

"Yeah. Catch ya later, lil' bro." Gabe lightly hit Cas in the back as he walked away, causing Cas to turn around and glare at his brother who was no longer looking. After a moment, he remembers that he has class now and that he should try to find the room. He walks in just as another bell rings loudly across the building.

"Hello?" A large man with graying hair and thick eyebrows sits on a desk in front of a green board. "Can I help you?"

"I am new here. . . I have a class here. . . History?" Cas hands his schedule over to the man and waits.

"Cool, what's your name, kid?"

"Caseson Smith."

The man hands the schedule back to Cas and stands up beside him, loosely putting his arm over Castiel's shoulder. "Cool, well guys, this is -"

Just then the door opens and a blondish brown hair walks in, slumped and looking upset or angry at something. He doesn't look up he just walks into the classroom and walks right into Cas. Cas expects him to say something, as he was knocked over some bit by the boy, but the boy just walks down to an empty desk in the back of the room.

"Great of you to join us, Dean." The teacher calls at the boy as he sits down. _Dean, what a nice name,_ Cas thinks. "As I was saying. . . Class, this is Caseson Smith, he's new, and will be with us for the rest of the semester. Be nice to him, and help him out in anything he might have missed."

"Where do I -" Cas looks around, seeing that there are no empty seats.

"There's a seat next to Dean in the back, he doesn't bite, do you, Dean?" As Dean looks up slowly shaking his head, Castiel sees little light in his eyes. His fire is burning out. Cas, feeling what little grace is left inside of him feels the need to help the boy. "See? He's fine, go sit." Cas walks down and sits beside him. "I'm Caseson." He reaches out to shake the boy's hand, a human gesture of respect and goodwill. The boy stares at him, either curiously, or angrily, Cas can't tell.

"Yeah, whatever." Dean looks away and puts his head into his arms that are folded on the desk.

_I will help him get that light back._ Cas thinks as the boy, Dean, slumps into his seat and looks at the board. _I'll get the light back in those eyes. _Even if he isn't an angel anymore, he can do it. Maybe it'll even help him get his grace back and get him into heaven faster. _I'll help you, I promise I will._

* * *

History class seems to drag on, worse than English did this morning. They have so much of their history wrong, like George Washington for example. They say he didn't have a middle name, when he did indeed, he just hated it because it was an odd name and never told anybody what it was. That is just one of the many things the humans have wrong on their history. If Cas were to sit down and correct everything he would be here for centuries.

**_BRRRrrrrrrrrrriiinnnnnnnnnggg BBRrrriiiiiiinnngg_**

Cas looks up as the bell rings, happy that it is now lunch, and that this terrible class is over. Beside him, Dean gets up. His bag is over his shoulder and he is out of the class in seconds. Cas, not having anything except his schedule on him, chases after Dean. In the hallway now filled with students, Cas realizes that it might look abnormal if he were to follow Dean without a reason. What's a reason humans would use? Could he ask for a pen or something? He saw other kids asking people for those. Could he ask for directions? Though he already knows where he's going. . . Could he. . . Then he gets an idea as he passes a few people. He pulls the pencil his English teacher gave him this morning and and runs up to Dean. Dean turns around and glares at Cas, his eyes wide and nearly as scary looking as a demon's.

"You dropped this." Cas, suddenly afraid of those eyes cowers before Dean. He raises the pencil and shows it to Dean.

"Thanks?" Dean takes the pencil from Cas without hesitation, his brows loosen up and his eyes relax. Cas tries to stand up tall, but he can't, there's something about this boy that makes him feel different; something that makes him feel like an actual human, and not the fallen angel that he is. "Why are you still here?" Dean demands as he continues walking. Cas hadn't realized that he was walking beside him.

"Oh, sorry." He's about to step away, afraid once again when Dean stops and pulls Cas' arm. "Did I do something?"

"Yeah; you gave me your pencil."

"What?" This boy is smarter than he appears. "I told you, you dropped it."

"I'm not stupid." Dean lets go of his arm. "What do you really want?" Dean's eyes dull and begin to look very sleepy.

"Nothing. . . I just thought. . . " Cas doesn't know how to form his words around Dean. How can he make sense to a human when what he wanted isn't in anyway a human thing? "I'll just go." He's about to pull away again when Dean grabs his arm one more time.

"Caseson is it?"

"Yeah." Their eyes lock for more than a second, and Cas becomes vaguely aware that the space between them might not be appropriate for two humans males.

"Look, Case, Cas, whatever, I don't know what you want, but I'm not interested, okay? I've got enough friends, and I don't date dudes, so just. . . Don't talk to me outside of class, alright?" Cas nods and Dean let's him go. Before he can say another word Dean's gone, and Cas is roaming through the halls looking for Gabriel.


	4. Sexuality ?

**Dean's POV**

Dean walks away from the boy, from Caseson and walks out of the school. He doesn't actually have any friends, but he didn't need the new kid knowing this, and he didn't want anything to do with that kid. He was weird, and different, and he made Dean feel like someone he didn't want to be. His father would kill that person if he knew about him.

He walks about a block away from the school to a public park. He climbs up to the top of the climber and leans against the bars. He opens his bag and pulls out two things; a bottle of water, and a bottle of pills. He's already made sure there aren't any people around, and he simply pops a few pills. He closes his eyes and holds his bag close to him on his lap. Soon this emptiness will be gone, and he'll be nothing but numb. Feeling numb is better than feeling nothing, he reminds himself as he stands up and jumps down from the climber. Just as he gets down a bunch of kids his age come walking over with cafeteria food. Dean smiles and winks at the girls and walks by.

"Was that Winchester?" One of the girls asks her friend.

"Yeah, he's cute, isn't he?" At this point, Dean turns around and looks at the girls. He's not surprised when one of them is looking back at him. He puts his hand to his ear and makes the common sign of 'call me'. He turns around and keeps walking, waiting for the pills to kick in. Because if they don't kick in there's no way he's going to make it through the rest of the day.

_Caseson. . . Cas. . ._ His mind drifts as he walks around during the lunch hour. He knows what he thinks about Cas, but he doesn't like it. He can't control his thoughts, but he doesn't like it. His father, John raised him to be a man, and strong, not a weirdo or a loser, or. . . No. He can't even think it. Because thinking it makes it true. He won't. If he doesn't think about it then it's not true, and nobody will hate him more than they already do.

_Girls. You like girls. _He reminds himself, trying to think or breasts and such, and not other things. Though his mind doesn't even go far enough as to think about sex with a man. The pills have finally kicked in and everything is numb. He can't feel or think anything anymore.

* * *

**Castiel's POV**

Cas sits in what Gabe called the cafeteria, eating what looks disgusting, but tastes amazing. "What is this thing?" He asks Gabe.

"A burger. You like it?" They sit in front of a window in a back corner of the large room, alone and talking quietly.

"Yeah." He takes another bite, enjoying a taste he never would have felt as an angel. Angels didn't have taste buds like humans. Eating was pointless to angels.

"What happened after that?" Gabe asks him. Cas was telling about Dean, and the odd feeling he had from him.

"He called me a 'dude' and told me to not talk to him outside of the class." He pauses. "He said he did not 'date dudes'. What does that mean, brother?"

Gabriel pauses, looking outside at the building across the street. He tilts his head and thinks for a second. "Well, I'm pretty sure dude is like a nickname or something for boys, and I think he meant that he's not one of those things. . ."

"Things?" Cas' eyebrow raises.

"You know, those things father hated. . . Men bedding with other men. I can't think of what humans call them." Gabe takes a bite of his burger and stops talking. Cas watches him, thinking for a second. He's heard the name before, he knows he has, but he can't remember it. "Oh!" Gabriel speaks, mouth full, almost spitting out his burger. "Homosexual. That's the word, I believe."

"Why did father hate them exactly?"

"I don't know, and I don't care. _Daddy_ isn't always right so who cares." Cas wishes for a second that he could be like Gabe. Gabe is so fearless, so careless, so brave, so random. Cas envies his bigger brother. Gabe is amazing, Cas only wishes to be like him one day, careless and unafraid of their father, and their siblings up in heaven. "So, do you think your plan will work?"

"I don't know, I hope so. If father can see that I can still help humans and kill demons maybe he'll give us back our grace and let us back up."

"You."

"Me?" Cas turns to his brother, brows furrowed."No, us, brother. I am not leaving you on this planet alone."

"Dad's not going to let me back up, brother. But you he will. You and brother Mikey are his favourites."

"If he doesn't let you go home then I won't go home either."

"You're an idiot, Cas. It's what got you stuck down here with me."

Cas puts a hand on Gabriel's shoulder "No, I'm family. Family looks out for each other." Gabe nods in agreement after a second or two. They continue eating, after a while Gabe asks him, "So you felt something around him?"

"What?"

"The human, Dean, was it? You said you felt something?"

"Oh. . . It was nothing." Cas shrugs and finishes his burger in silence. Besides fear, Cas felt something else. He felt like this human was something more, something special, something important. To who, he didn't know, and he wasn't sure how he even got these feelings, but he had them. And it wasn't Dean he was afraid of, he realized, it was those feelings. What if they lead to something dangerous? He had to help Dean and get his grace back as fast as possible. Being human he couldn't afford danger. Danger lead to death, and he wasn't going to die without seeing heaven and his family one more time.


	5. Worried Mother

**Dean's POV**

Getting off the bus they walk up the road to their house. Sam runs ahead of him, excited to be home. Dean walks slowly, not much caring where he is. He's glad school is over, but he doesn't really want to be home around his father. The older John got, the angrier he got as the less he could do, and the more he drank.

"Come on, Dean!" Sam yelled in front of him. "Come on!"

"I'm coming, Sammy!" Dean, always doing everything Sammy wants, runs after his brother. They race to the door, Dean letting Sammy win by a few steps. "You're getting faster! I'm gonna have to knock you over or something tomorrow."

"You let me win!"

"Did not. Why would I let you win?" Dean pushes Sam out of the doorway and walks inside. Mary, their mother stands in the hallway waiting for them. "Hey mom." Dean takes the laundry basket out of her hands and hugs her.

"How was school today?"

"School." Dean pulls away from the hug and takes the laundry basket upstairs for his mother. He even goes as far as putting all the clothes and towels away for her. From the top of the stairwell he can hear Mary, Sammy and John talking.

"We learned about volcanoes today," Sammy sounds happy and proud of himself. "They explode and make islands sometimes."

"Cool!" Mary sounds really interested in her son's life, and experiences.

"Jess and I are going to make a volcano for the science fair. Can we do it here?"

"Yeah, of course, bud, anything you want or need I'll run to the hardware store for ya." John sounds less interested, but supportive.

"Great! I'll go call Jess now!" Sam runs down the hallway somewhere. Dean leaves the hallway and walks into his room. He finds a book and starts reading. He doesn't like books, or reading really, but sometimes being in a different world makes him feel better. Life sucks, what with the useless sex he has with his teacher, his a-hole father, the pills, and the empty feeling inside he always has, so he reads about other people's lives. Anybody's life is better than his own, even his own brother's.

Sighing he closes the book and takes a bottle of pills from his desk drawer. He built a fake bottom in the drawer years ago, when this problem started, and has hid pills there ever since. He makes sure he picked the right bottle and drops a few more pills in his mouth. In no time he's sleeping like a dead man.

* * *

**Mary's POV**

Mary knows something is up. She's known for a while. John's been getting worse, and Dean has been more and more absent throughout the last few years. Sam is oblivious, at least Mary thinks he is. Sam is very smart, so he might have pieced things together, but neither Mary or Sam ever talk about it so she doesn't know.

Poor Dean though. Mary knows he's been depressed, but she doesn't know how to confront or help him with it. She knows he's different, that he's not like his father, or like her. She knows who he's like, but she doesn't want him to ever have the life she had. The hunter life isn't something she wants for her children.

"Boys! Dinner!" She yells from the kitchen. Sam and John are there in seconds, Dean however is not.

"I can get him." Sam offers, though he's already sitting at the table.

"No, sweetie, I'll get him." She sets the plates on the table and kisses John on the cheek. "I'll be right back."

Mary walks up the stairs, listening for any sound from Dean's room. When she hears nothing she walks faster. At the top of the stairs she turns down the hall and into her son's room. Dean's room is so different from Sam's. His bed is nothing but a mattress on the floor covered in over sized blankets, his bedside table is torn apart with its drawers in another corner, the posters on his walls are falling down, and there are fantasy and sci-fi books all over the floor. The only clean thing she sees is his desk, which is untouched, except for the broken drawer.

"Dean?" She walks over to his bed where he lies sleeping. "Dean, dinner." His face is stuck in a book, and his hand is grasping something orange. "Dean?" Mary touches his shoulder, shaking him. Both the book and the orange thing, which shows to be a bottle fall onto the floor. "Dean?" She picks up the bottle and reads the label. _John Winchester_. These are the sleeping pills that went missing last week. John automatically blamed Dean for it and all but killed him. Mary insisted that her son wasn't stealing John's sleeping pills, believing that Dean was a good man. "Dean?" She looks at her son. She can see it on his face just like she can see it on John's face when his nightmares about Vietnam come back. Dean is going through something, what, Mary doesn't know, but it hurts to see her son go through this, alone.

"Dean, honey, dinner is ready." She shakes him again. He doesn't stir. Mary slowly brings her hand to his neck. "Oh thanks god." She breathes as she feels his pulse. "Dean, wake up, honey." She shakes him a little bit more. _He better not have taken more than one pill._ "Dean?" She looks around. There's a bottle of water across the floor. She picks it up and dumps it on Dean's head. After a second he shakes his head and looks at her.

"Mom?" He looks out of it, not fully aware of his environment, then he sees the bottle in her hand. "Shit."

"Dean," She sits on the bed beside him. "Talk to me, sweetie, please." He doesn't speak. He doesn't even open his mouth. "I'm your mother, Dean, I want what's best for you. Talk to me, please."

"If you wanted what was best for me then you never would have had me." He snatches the bottle out of her hand and pulls a blanket over his head, hiding.

"Dean, baby, I love you, and I'm here for you. No matter what, alright? I just want to know you're okay."

"Leave me alone." Dean mutters under the sheets.

"It's dinner time."

"I'm not hungry." Mary leaves and goes downstairs.

"Where's Dean?" John demands angrily.

"He's feeling sick, so I'm bringing it to him."

"Is he okay?" Little Sammy asks from his seat.

"Yeah, bud, he's fine, he just has an upset stomach." She runs the plate upstairs to her son. He's still hiding on the blankets. "Please eat something, Dean." She sets the plate on his bedside table and walks away.

Later when she walks in to check on him his plate is empty, and the pill bottle is sitting on the desk, thankfully with the same amount it had before. Mary walks over and kisses Dean on the cheek. "I'm always here for you, Dean. I love you." She then takes the bottle and puts it in the garbage.


	6. Homeless Angels

**Castiel's POV**

Cas and Gabe walk around outside, looking for somewhere to spend the night. Nowhere they find looks good enough. As angels, they never had to sleep, but they never had anything less than the best bedrooms possible. Now tired and hungry, they must find somewhere.

"Can't we just sleep in the school?" Cas asks, not caring about the answer. This right here, Cas decides, is the worst part of being human, the sleepiness.

"Castiel you already know the answer to that." Cas smiles. Finally he gets to be called his real name. All this Caseson stuff is driving him insane.

"I just want to sleep, brother."

"I know and I do to." They walk down an alley and Gabe stops. "Here."

Cas looks at the ground and sees a bunch of garbage bags and rotting food. He also sees a mouse or two scurry by. He shakes his head. "No."

"I'm too tired to find another place, but please, continue if you want." Gabe gestures for him to go looking.

"Fine." Cas sits down on the ground uncomfortably and crosses his arms. "We will smell in the morning."

"The school has showers."

"Fine." He tries to get comfortable, finding it impossible. Gabe sits across the alley from him all but welcoming the smells and mice around him. Cas shakes his head at him and puts his head on his knees. Exhausted, he could easily fall asleep like this, but Gabriel won't stop making noise. Cas looks up. "Would you stop?"

"What?" Gabe looks at him, curious. "I'm trying to get comfy."

"Just sleep, please. The sooner we sleep the sooner we get out of here."

"Whatever, little brother." Cas can't see through the darkness, but he assumes that his brother rolled his eyes just then. Cas closes his eyes once again and after some time, they both fall asleep.

* * *

_Castiel,_ A voice that Cas knows well as his father's calls to him in his dreamless sleep. _I see what you are planning, and I ask you, be careful my son. Humans are fragile and things on earth are dangerous. Be careful._

_Father? _Cas calls out to him. _Am I on the right path? To coming home?_

_Oh, Castiel, you, my son, are always on the right path. I believe you will be home in no time._

_And brother Gabriel?_

_Gabriel is not even trying, my son, you have to help him down the path. He cannot get there alone._

_Father?_

_Yes, Castiel?_

_Is. . ._ He can't bring himself to ask.

_Castiel? _God presses.

_Are homosexuals really a bad thing, father?_

For a minute or two, maybe even more, God is silent. Then he finally speaks. _Humans are not perfect, Castiel. It is their flaws that make them worth protecting and caring for._

_That's not a yes or a no. . ._

_It's both, and it's neither. It is for you to decide, Castiel. You must make your own decision while down there. _Then, out of nowhere, the white that was the dreamless sleep turns into darkness. God is gone.

_Father!? _Cas calls into nothingness for a father that is missing.

* * *

The next morning Cas and Gabe walk to the school. They shower and steal clothes from the lost 'n' found. While they're waiting for classes to start they sit in the locker room talking about random nothings.

"There's a thing called football, I think I might try for it." Gabe tells Cas.

"Football? Is that dangerous? Is that going to get you back to heaven, Gabriel?"

"I suppose it's dangerous, but everything humans do is dangerous. You have to live life to the fullest, little brother."

"But is football going to get you back to heaven, brother?" Gabriel shrugs, clearly not caring. "Gabriel, I'm serious."

"And I don't care. Father locked me out for something stupid, and if he doesn't want me to be me then I don't want to go back."

Castiel's jaw drops at his brother words. "You cannot mean this."

"Oh," Gabriel gets up and walks across the room. "But, I do, brother. I do mean it." He opens his arms and drops them. "Heaven sucks anyway, so whatever."

"Gabriel." Castiel stands up and walks over to his brother. "Father spoke to me last night." Gabe's eyes widen a little. "He said you're not on the right path, that you won't be able to come back unless you get on the right path."

"But he said _you're_ on the right path?" Cas didn't move. Gabe understood, and was disgusted. "Typical. You're his favourite, and you're what, always on the right path? Even when you defend me, and try to fight for me, the bad one, you're still on the _right _path. Soooo typical."

"Gabriel."

"No, Castiel, shut it. I don't want to hear it. Dad sucks and so do you." He paces in the small area of the room. "If I had my grace I would flash out of here right now, just so you know." He walks out into the gym. Cas follows him. "Go away, Castiel. I'm angry with you."

"I did not do anything, brother. I do not believe that I am his favourite and you that Michael is, and so what, Gabriel? Who cares who is and isn't father's favourite? All that matters right now is getting back home."

"I am home." Gabe throws his hands up again, gesturing to either the gym, or Kansas. "Earth is home to me now."

"Gabriel."

"No, brother, don't even try. I don't want to go to that false place you call '_home_'."

Cas makes a decision. Out of all their other siblings up in heaven Gabriel and Castiel were always the closest. Gabe taught him out to use an angel blade, and how to kill a demon. He taught him how to control his abilities so he wouldn't teleport into the middle of the ocean. Gabe was always there for him, no matter what the situation was. It's an easy decision to make. "Then I am home too."

How can he leave his brother when his brother never left him?


	7. Not THAT Guy Anymore

**Dean's POV**

The next morning when he wakes up and he's not surprised to find his sleeping pills gone. He knew his mom wasn't going to let him keep them so he left them where she could take them instead of having to search his room for it. What he was shocked about was John standing downstairs, holding the bottle, waiting for him. He knew what was coming long before it happened. Last week John yelled at him when he thought he stole the pills, now he knew, and practically screamed. Leaving for school in the morning was hell. He didn't feel like taking the bus, and he didn't feel like walking either. He decided last minute that he didn't care about getting his ass kicked anymore. If John was going to hurt him with words then he was going let him. Eventually John would just give up and not care because Dean didn't care. He took the keys to the impala and drove himself to school. He didn't know how to drive, but it was easy enough.

He even beat the bus to school and got to class early. He wasn't surprised to see Mrs. Clark in the classroom, or when she asked him how fast he was. Of course he replied something ridiculously cocky and they went into the supply closet. Dean already took a bunch of pills before getting to school so he already felt numb and lifeless. But because he took it so early though, it wore off by the time history class came around.

Caseson, the weird pretty boy sits beside him again. "Hi." Dean ignores him. He doesn't need any crap right now. He feels like crap, and he doesn't like thinking about things that make him feel crappier. It's not that Cas makes him fell crappy, but that what he thinks about when he thinks about Cas that makes him feel crappy. "Do you have a pencil I can borrow?" Cas asks at some point. Dean, starting to get his feeling back, puts his head on his desk. _Leave me alone._ He can't even bring himself to speak to the guy. The more he thinks about Cas, the more his face disappears from his mind, and the more he feels like he's straight, and not whatever else he could be.

"Dude," The word sounds pushed coming out of Caseson's mouth. "Do you know the answer?" Dean keeps ignoring him. He even goes as far as to ignore him for an entire week. After a week Dean gives in. He can't ignore Cas anymore, not when everyday he asks one more question than the last day.

* * *

"Do you. . ." Cas sighs, sounding like he's on the verge of giving up. "Never mind."

"No, what?" Dean turns over and looks at him. Caseson's facial expression is a mix between shock and confusion. "What is it?"

"Nothing important." Cas turns away and looks at his textbook.

"What is it, Cas. Tell me."

"Why? You've been ignoring me all week."

"Well I'm listening now, aren't I?" Dean slides his chair over to Caseson's desk and looks at his textbook. He's opened to a page of the presidents, and the questions from the board written down in his notebook.

"I don't know who the president is right now."

"Oh." Dean pauses. "Honestly, Cas, I don't know either."

Cas tilts his head at Dean, confused. "Didn't you grow up here?"

"Yeah, but I don't care about smart stuff. That's my brother."

"You have a brother?" Cas' eyes widen. "So do I."

"Yeah, Sammy's the smart one. He's the smartest twelve year old ever. I'm the dumb one."

"You're not dumb. I don't believe anybody is dumb." Cas closes his textbook. Looking up Dean sees that the bell is about to ring. He slides back over to his desk and starts packing up his notebook, which is covered in doodles of men fighting with swords and guns. Just as he finishes packing his things up the bell rings. Cas starts walking away when Dean grabs his arm. "What?"

"You wanna hang out for lunch?"

"I thought you had friends and didn't want to be friends with me."

Dean takes a deep breath. "I lied." He exhales quickly. "I actually have no friends, but I could use one."

"Sure." Cas turns into the hallway and looks around. "I should tell my brother I won't be eating lunch with him."

Dean looks at Caseson, brows raised, head slightly tilted. Cas reminds him of Sammy. When they were in grade school Sam would always go to Dean first. "I'm sure your brother will be fine." Dean grabs Cas' hand, without even thinking about it and pulls him down the hall.

"Where are we going?" Cas asks him, trying to keep up with him. When they get to the stairs Dean lets his hand go. "Dean?"

"Just come on, Crazy Case."

"I think I prefer Cas."

"Well then come on, Coo-coo Cas."

"Just Cas is fine, Dean."

"Whatever, come on." He runs down the stairwell and outside into the parking lot. "Cas?" He turns around at the bottom of the stairs. Cas is still coming down the stairs. "Tired already?"

"I didn't sleep well last night." Cas finally gets to the bottom and stands in front of Dean. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see, come on." Again, not even thinking about it, it just sort of happens, Dean takes Cas' hand and leads him to the impala.

"This is your car?"

"My dad's. Though he doesn't drive it anymore, and he has another car, so it's mine now, really."

"Cool."

"Get in." Dean opens the passengers door and hops over to his side of the car. "I can drive."


	8. What's Baseball?

**Castiel's POV**

Dean can drive; at least, Cas thinks so. He's never been in a vehicle before, but he doesn't feel like he's going to die in it with Dean driving.

"Where are we going?" He asks again. He doesn't recognize any of his surroundings, but him and Gabriel haven't been anywhere in Lawrence except the alley, and school. "Dean?"

"Wait and see, would you?"

"I don't like surprises."

"It's not a surprise." Dean looks in the mirror that hangs from the top of the vehicle, and turns the corner. He pulls the vehicle to a stop after a minute or two of driving straight. "Look." He points outside the window. Cas sees a fence with yellow plastic shaped like a funny square.

"What is it?"

"You've never seen a baseball diamond before?" Cas shakes his head. "Really?" Cas nods. "Get out, I'll show you." Dean gets out of the car, Castiel follows him to the back of the car. "Left or right?" He shrugs. "Which hand do you write with?"

"This one." Cas raises a hand and Dean puts a glove in it. "Now what?"

"Now we play ball."

"Why?" Dean takes a metal log and a ball out of the car and closes it. He runs ahead. Cas struggles to keep up. "How?"

"I'll show you." Dean runs into the fenced area, the diamond, as he called it. Cas follows him They stop running on a small square in front of the largest piece of fencing. "Take the ball and throw it at me, like this." Dean swings his hand under, nice and slow. "Aim for the bat." When he sees the confusion on Cas' face he lifts up the metal log. "This thing." Cas nods. Dean backs up a little and waits. "Go."

"I don't want to hit you."

"You won't." Cas shakes his head, afraid. Humans are so fragile. He couldn't throw something at them. "It won't hurt."

"I can't." His hand falls to his side.

"I can throw it at you then. Can you swing a bat?" Dean swings the bat over his shoulder. "Like this?"

"You're going to throw this at me?"

"Yeah. I won't miss the bat, promise." Castiel shakes his head. "Come on, it's fun." He keeps shaking his head. There's no way he's letting anybody get hurt. "Pass me the ball," Cas rolls the ball over to him, refusing to throw it. "Go sit on those bleachers, watch." Cas listens and leaves the diamond, going to sit on the bleachers just on the other side of the fence. "Are you watching?"

"Yes!" Cas calls over. He watches closely. Dean throws his hand up in the air, not letting go of the bat. Then he throws his arm up and lets go. The ball flies up into the air. Dean quickly swings the bat and hits the ball with an ear shattering crash. The ball flies across the field, landing in the grass some feet away. "Cool!"

"It's not dangerous," Dean tells him. "I know how to play. Come on, I'll throw it to you." Dean gestures for him to come over and look for the ball. Cas runs down and over to him. As they walk across the field he thinks about something that has made Dean change in the past week. What could it be?

"Why are you being nice to me?" Cas asks, looking at anything but Dean. At first it seems like Dean ignores the question. He keeps quiet and doesn't say a word, but when Cas it about to ass again he answers. "Why -"

"Because. . ." He stops, as if trying to find the right words. "I'm tired of being the guy everybody laughs at, that nobody takes seriously, that's nothing to anybody but a dealer or a sex machine. . . " He trails off. Cas only understands some of this. He doesn't understand what a dealer is, or what a sex machine is, though he's not sure he wants to know. He waits quietly for Dean to finish his thoughts. "I. . ."

"You don't have to explain anything to me." Cas finally looks at him. "Not if you don't want to."

"No, I want to, I just don't know how to say it. I told you, I'm not the smart one. That's Sam."

"You're still smart." Cas gestures to the bat that Dean's carrying. "You know what baseball is, and I didn't until you showed me."

"Thanks. . ." He trails off again and looks at his feet. "You wore me down, man. I thought I could ignore you, but you kept going. You wore me down. I give up. I surrender. You want me to be a friend, I'll be your friend. I give up trying to be _that_ guy."

"What guy, Dean?"

"I don't know. I'm just tired of everything." He looks at his feet again, clearly thinking about something else, but not wanting to speak about it. "Hey, here's the ball." He leans down and picks it up. "You want to hit it?"

"Yeah." Cas happily takes the bat from Dean's hands and runs to the place where Dean his the ball. Dean chases after him, keeping up pretty well. They throw the ball around for a time, asking each other random questions, like who's the cutest girl, or what the best game is, or they're favourite books.

"Okay, okay, now what's your favourite book?"

"I don't know. I'm liking that one I have read for English about the whale."

"Moby Dick?"

"Yeah! That's it." Dean tosses the ball the Cas, who is actually able to catch it. Cas tosses it back. "You?"

"I don't have any favourites right now, actually," He pauses.

"What?" Cas drops the ball and chases after it a little. When he turns back to Dean he throws the ball.

"It's just. . . I'm reading something right now called '_Giovanni's Room_'. It's different but still pretty good."

"Is that on the school reading list?"

"No, I'm kind of reading it for my own curiosity."

"I'll put it on my list."

Dean catches the ball and looks over at the car sitting some ways away. "We should head back to school."

"Yeah." Cas picks up the bat and the glove he used and starts walking back. Today has been a weird day. Dean, who he thought would never talk to him, showed him how to play baseball today. He honestly thought that Dean wasn't going to listen, or work with him, and that he would have a friend, or whatever this is between them. "This was fun, _dude_."

"Dude is so not your thing, Cas."

"What?"

"Just, don't say it, alright? It sounds weird coming from you."

"Alright?" Cas looks over at Dean, surprised to see him smiling. "We should do this again some time."

"Yeah, I agree." As they come up to the car Dean turns and faces Cas. Their lack of personal space is evident, though neither of them do anything to fix it.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"What do normal guys our age do?"

"What do you mean?" Dean's brows form a line over his eyes.

"I move around a lot, so I've never really made any friends. . . What do normal friends our age do?" Dean laughs. "What?"

"Nothing, get in." He takes the bat and glove from Cas and throws them in the back of the car. Cas goes and sits in the passenger seat, Dean joins in behind the wheel in a second. He's still laughing.

"What? Seriously, Dean, what's so funny?"

"Nothing, Cas, nothing."


	9. Sammy Knows

**_3 Days Later (Friday)_**

**Dean's POV**

Life sucks. He's already determined this. Only now he's absolutely positive. He has nothing but one thing that's perfect in his the sleeping pills he can't sleep. Mary is on his ass about everything. Dean knows that she's worried, but he can take care of himself; he always has. John is yelling at him more and more. Sam is busy now with Jess and he feels like he's losing his little brother. The pills that he's been taking are almost gone, and he because John's been yelling at him he hasn't gotten his allowance all week so he can't buy more. Slowly he's weening himself, only taking one a day, but yesterday there was only one left so he only took half of it, and he has nothing for today. Life sucks. Life is ass. All of it except for one thing; Cas.

Dean leans on the hood of his impala in front of the school waiting for Cas. Cas has never done two things that Dean loves doing; getting energy drinks, and staying up all night. They're going to do both and see what happens. "Where are you?" He looks at his watch. The bell went two minutes ago, and Cas still isn't here. Dean knows that his class is just off the library, which is by the doors, so where is he? Being off his pills, Dean grows impatient twice as fast. "Cas. . . "

Just then Cas and a blond guy walk out the doors. They appear to be fighting. Cas sees Dean and waves, then continues fighting with the guy.

"Hey Dean!" Dean jumps at his little brother's voice. "Where are you going?"

"Haven't I told you not to sneak up on me?"

"Sorry." Sammy sits on the impala's hood with Dean. "Can you drive me home?

"I'm going out with friends, sorry kid." He looks over at Cas again, who is still fighting with that guy.

"A friend?" Sam asks, looking over where Dean's looking. "A girlfriend?"

"No." Dean stops looking at Cas. "Don't you have friends or something, Sammy?"

"Jess already got on her bus, and the bus to our house is late." Sammy tries to pull himself higher up on the impala. Dean sighs and grabs Sammy's hips, pulling him up. "Can't you just drive me? Please, Dean?" Sam drags out his 'please' for as long as possible.

"Fine, but you sit in the back."

"No fair."

"Yes, fair." He takes a look over at Cas again. He's still fighting with the guy. "Come on, Cas, let's go."

Sam's back straightens as much as possible. "That's your friend?" He asks.

"Yeah." Dean looks away again. "How was school, kid?"

"School. You know. Why do you care, you hate school."

"I do not. I just hate classes." He messes up Sammy's hair. "School is good for you. Don't try to be like me, Sammy."

"But you're so cool." Dean chokes on his breath. "What?"

"Nothing, get in." Sammy slides off the hood and gets into the passenger's seat. "I said in the back."

"But I called shotgun."

"When?"

"Just now, shotgun!" Sam smiles, happy to sit next to Dean for what will be a five minute drive.

Dean walks over to the driver's side and hits the horn. Cas jumps and looks at him. Dean waves to come over, but Cas gives him a finger, telling him to wait a second. "Hurry up, Cas." He leans against his door, trying to calm down. Not having pills is killing him. He needs to feel that numbness, he's so used to it, and without it he feels things that he doesn't want to feel. Not having pills is making him do things we would never normally do, like make a friend to a boy named Caseson.

"Hey Sammy?" Dean turns around and leans into the window. "Did you get your allowance yet?"

"Yeah." Sam knows what's coming. "How much?"

"Fifty?"

"I don't have that much." He's lying, and Dean knows it. Sam never touches his money. He always saves it. Dean gives him the eye. "Fine."

"Thanks, Sammy. I'll pay you back when Dad's not mad at me." But the look on Sam's face says it's okay. Sam knows it, that John will always be mad at Dean, no matter what the reason is. Sammy is the baby, and he can't be mad at Sammy, so Dean is always getting yelled at.

"Dean!" Cas finally comes over to the impala. His friend with him. "This is Gabe." Oh, he's a brother, not friend. Dean waves from across the impala's roof. "Gabe, this is Dean." Gabe waves back. He seems angry. "Gabe is upset because he thinks you're going to kill me or something."

Barely offended, Dean laughs it off. "Do I look like a murderer to you?"

"Yes, actually." Gabe's arms cross over his chest as he glares at Dean. "I don't want my little brother staying out all night."

"Gabriel." Cas elbows Gabe in the ribs. "Dean is fine, and he's not a murderer, is that the word?" Dean nods. "He's fine."

"I won't kill your brother. Friends don't kill friends."

Gabriel's eyebrows lift. "If he's dead in the morning I will hunt you down."

"That's fine by me. But he's going to be fine, and alive."

"I'll believe it when I see it." He turns to Cas and whispers something to him. "I mean it." He says aloud.

"I know, now go, Gabriel." Gabe walks away. Cas is about to open the passenger door when Sammy finally makes a noise.

"I'm in here."

"Oh. Hi."

"Cas, this is Sam. Sammy, this is Cas." He feels the need to explain why he's up front. "I told him to sit in the back, but he called shotgun."

"Okay." Cas sits in the back quietly. Dean can tell that he doesn't know what shotgun means so he explains it. "You call shotgun when you want the front seat. Whoever calls it first gets the spot."

"Oh. Thank you."

"No problem." Dean, already in the car, turns it out of parking and onto the road. "We'll take Sammy to my place, then we'll go, 'kay?"

"Yeah." They drive mostly in silence. Besides the music there are no voices. Dean hums along, but Sam looks out the window, and Cas just watches the road in front of them. The five minute drive drags on because of the awkward silence.

When they get to the Winchester house all three boys get out of the car. Dean told Cas he could move up to shotgun when Sammy gets out. As Cas is getting out and shuffling around Dean walks by him. Their hands brush each other lightly. It's something they've been doing the past few days. When either one of them is uncomfortable or feeling awkward they touch each other in a non-obvious way.

"It's okay." Dean tells him quietly. "I'm just going in to get my wallet. I'll be back." He turns to face him and takes Cas' hand into his. "I'll be two minutes." Cas nods, but doesn't speak. "Just stay in the car, okay, no matter what you hear." He nods again. Then he drops his hand and runs after Sammy.

Before they enter the house Sammy looks up at his big brother. "What is it, Sammy?"

"You're weird around Cas."

"What?" Dean stops walking a few feet in front of their house. "What are you talking about?"

"You're more than friends, aren't you?"

"No. Of course not." Dean acts repulsed by the idea. "And don't you ever say that around dad."

"I won't. Brothers first." Dean nods. Then they walk inside and Dean gets all of John's wrath.


	10. I Don't Want to Die!

**Castiel's POV**

Gabriel is. . . Ugh. What he is can't even be put into words. Essentially what they were fighting about outside was that Gabriel had to know where he was at all times. Cas didn't want Gabe knowing everything. Sure, they were brothers, but knowing everything is too much. After arguing for what might have been ten minutes, Cas told him that he couldn't know where they were going (because he didn't know himself), but that he could meet Dean and see that he was a good human. Gabriel agreed, but Castiel knew as he left that he wasn't pleased. As he left he spoke quietly. "There's a knife in your bag if he tries anything." Cas and Dean have a connection, and Cas trusts Dean more than he trusts himself. He trusts Dean with his life. That's how strong their connection is.

When they got to their house, Castiel didn't get in the car yet. He wanted to wait until Dean was safe in the house before doing anything. There was a feeling around this area, and it wasn't a good one. He was afraid, and but he couldn't feel what he was afraid of, or where it originated from. He just had to see Dean and Sam enter the house before he got into the car. He stands waiting and then Sam and Dean stop walking. _What are they doing? Go inside._ After a second they walk up the steps and into the house. Cas finally relaxes. They're safe. He opens the door and gets in the car. As he closes the door he hears _it.__  
_

Inside the house something smashes, and a voice booms. There's screaming, and yelling and the sounds of things being broken. A second too late Cas realizes that the unsettling feelings he was getting were from Dean. No wonder he told him not to leave the car 'no matter what'. The scary thing is beyond those doors. Cas grabs the handle on the door and starts to open it when he remembers that Dean told him not to leave the car. He could help, but he was told to stay in the car. What's beyond that door? Is it a demon? A Wendigo? A Nephilim? What could it be that Dean is so afraid of?

"Dean." Cas turns the handle and opens the door a little. He has to do something. He reaches into the back seat and pulls out the knife from his bag. Just as he steps out he sees the door open, and Dean walking out. From here Cas can see the blood. Despite the fear Cas can feel coming off him, he doesn't run, he walks fast, but stands tall, seeming unafraid. Cas drops the knife and walks over to him. "Dean?"

"I'm fine." He brushes Cas aside, like he's a stranger. He walks past him and gets into the car. Cas jumps in beside him before he drives off without him.

"Dean, you're head -"

"I'm fine." The car roars to life and he drives away.

"Will your brother be alright?"

"They don't hurt Sam." Dean mumbles. "Only me, cause I'm useless." He takes his hands off the wheel for a second and pulls an orange bottle out of his pocket. He takes one blue thing out from it and tosses it out of the window. He puts the blue thing in his mouth.

"Dean, pull over."

"No." When he puts his hands back on the wheel he steps on the gas pedal.

"Dean!" Cas is afraid now. If he were an angel he could flash them out of here and somewhere safe, but as a human he can't do anything but die. _Keep us safe, father._ He prays quickly. "Dean! Stop!" Dean only proceeds to drive faster. "Dean, Gabriel will kill you if you hurt me."

"Ha!" He lets out a forced laugh. "I'll be dead before he gets to me."

"Dean! Stop!" Dean ignores him. "Dean!" Cas tugs on his shirt. "Stop!" Dean pulls away and they swerve into the other lane. Looking in front of them, Cas sees a large tree. "DEAN I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" He screams. He closes his eyes and expects to open to to see his father, but he doesn't. When he opens them the car is on the grass, mere feet away from the giant tree. "Dean. . . " Cas looks at Dean angrily. Dean just stares at his hands, locked on the steering wheel. "I can't believe you, Dean. You could have killed us both." He opens the car door and walks out. He walks a fair bit from the impala before Dean gets out and calls after him.

"Cas, I'm sorry!"

"What did you take, Dean? What happened in there? How can I help?"

"It's just something to keep me me, and nothing, and you can't." Dean's been holding onto the impala this whole time. He hasn't walked past the impala. His one hand is holding it, as if to steady himself. Cas notes that he's bleeding more now than before, and in more places too. "Cas I'm sorry."

"Dean -" He takes another step towards Cas, his hand finally letting go of the impala. Only, he shouldn't have let go. . . "DEAN!" Cas runs over to him as quickly as he can. "Dean!" He picks up him and rolls him onto his back. "Dean! Please. DEAN!"


	11. What is This? Did We just Kiss?

**Dean's POV**

"Dean!" A voice fades in and out. Dean knows he's Caseson's voice, who else could it be? He has no other friends. "Dean, get up." He can't keep his eyes open, or even move for that matter. "Dean, please."

"Ca-" Dean tries to speak, only to come up blank. His whole face hurts. The pill isn't working, he can still feel all this pain. "C-ow."

"Don't talk, it's okay. Just stay awake." He feels something cool on his face, then something warm, and that's the last thing he remembers.

* * *

He wakes up in the impala's back seat, with a blanket over him and a bandage on his head as well as right hand. "Cas!" He shouts, sitting up slowly. He's very aware of all the pain that he's in. "Caseson!" Suddenly Cas shows up in one of the doorways. "Caseson." Dan smiles.

"Castiel." He says.

"What?"

"It's Castiel. I only use Caseson because we don't want some people finding us."

"Castiel? That's cool."

Cas smiles at him. "Thanks." He slides into the seat beside him. "How do you feel?"

"Like I got run over by an eighteen wheeler." His hand goes up to his head where the bandage is. John threw a plate at him, he barely dodged it so he could protect Sammy. "What time is it?" The car is off, so there's no time on the radio.

"It's about. . . " Cas looks up at the sky. "I think 6:20. We don't have to stay out all night if you want."

Dean shakes his head, there's no way he's going back into that house. "I want to stay outside all night, it's fun, trust me." He straightens his back painfully. "Can you drive?"

"I can try." Cas slides out of the backseat and into the front. Dean tells him what to do, and buckles up. "Drive until I tell you do turn." After a few mistakes Cas is driving. He drives a little slowly, but he drives. While he goes Dean tries to stay awake, but trying not to think about everything that just happened. John was in a mood when they got in. He was mad that they were 'late' and that they didn't call at lunch, and that they didn't do the dishes, which is what he was throwing at Dean. The more he drank, the worse he got. Dean gets that he's a veteran, but still, this is ridiculous.

"Hey Cas, I'm sorry man."

"I forgive you, Dean, just don't try it again." Cas is quiet after this, concentrating on driving. Dean tells him when to turn and he turns slower than the average driver. They pull over at a park and sit in the car for a bit. "Who did that?" Cas turns around and looks at him. "I won't tell." Dean shakes his head, and starts checking his pockets for his pill bottle. When he doesn't find it his breathing becomes rapid and shallow. "Dean, what's wrong?"

"I need them. I need my pills."

"Dean?"

"Orange bottle, have you seen it?" He can already fell himself beginning to sweat from the fear of not getting a fix. "Cas?"

"You finished them, you threw the bottle out the window." Cas undoes his seat belt and turns around to better face Dean. "They're finished." He puts his hand on Dean's knee. Dean looks up at him and remembers that he did toss the empty bottle out the window. "It's okay. Breathe in, and out. In, and out." Dean nods and follows Castiel's counting. in no time he's breathing normally and feeling less panicked. "Are you okay?"

"No." Dean decides that there's no point lying around Cas because he'll know. They have a connection, and it's stronger than little lies and secrets. "I'm scared, and I feel sick, but I know I'll be okay tonight."

"I'm here." Cas takes his hand like he had done early and rubs his thumb over the back of his hand. Dean closes his eyes. Why can't everybody be like Cas? Cas is gentle, and loving, and caring, and sweet, and nice, and damn near perfect. Why can't everybody be like him? "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

"That one right there is Orion's belt." Cas points at a bunch of stars that are supposed to shape something. To him they just look like a bunch of stars though. "I think that one is the big dipper, but it might be the smaller one."

"I see the dipper." Dean admits, seeing the six or seven stars that make up a spoon. "Cas, is this weird?"

"What?" Cas, like always is oblivious. He's weird, he doesn't understand most things, but Dean doesn't mind. "Two dudes on top of a car looking at stars."

"I don't know, is it?"

"Does it feel weird?" Dean turns his head to Cas, who turns and looks at him. Their lips are so close, almost too close.

"I don't know." Dean looks back at the sky. He doesn't know who he is yet. He likes girls. But since he's been talking to Cas he hasn't been interested in any girls. Not that he's interested in Cas like that though. They have a connection, but Dean's not sure he would do anything more than a kiss with Cas.

"Can we go on that thing?" Cas sits up and points to a climber across the field.

"Yeah." They get off the impala and walk over to the climber. Dean jumps on the monkey bars immediately, not caring out his hand or its bandage.

"Be careful, Dean." Cas walks over and starts trying things out on his own. He jumps on the stepping stones, then goes across the monkey bars, then glides across the glider. "This thing is cool." He glides across it.

"Let me try." Dean jumps across the stepping stones and over to the glider. Cas slides across in the opposite directions before he gets there. "Hey, Cas."

"I'll come back." Dean steps back, and Cas slides back over. He almost makes it all the way over, but his foot gets stuck on the floor of the climber and he falls. Dean instinctively catches him. Cas wraps his arms around Dean and Dean wraps his around Cas. They stare at each other for a good five seconds before either of them speak."I'm stuck." Cas tugs on foot. His shoelace is stuck on a hook of the floor. Dean slowly lowers them enough so that one of them can fix it. Even when he's able to move, Dean doesn't because he wants to make sure that Cas is okay.

"Cas you-"

"Yeah I-"

Both they're heads turn at the same time and they're lips more then brush each other.

"Cas -"

"Dean -"

Neither of them move. They're body's stay inches apart. Neither of them know what to do. Dean knows what he wants to do, but he's never done it with a boy before, so he's afraid. And he's afraid that Cas won't want the same thing.

As if both afraid, they fumble away from each other, only to end up falling into the ground, in each others' arms. "A sign?" Cas mumbles, but he doesn't get to say much else because Dean's lips find his way to his. Dean's surprised when Cas doesn't pull away, and even more surprised when he pushes back with the same force Dean pushes with. _For a first kiss this is the best kiss I've ever had. _It's mere milliseconds before they're hands are pulling at each others' hair and clothes.


	12. In Love with a Human

**Chapter 12  
****_1 Month Later_****  
Castiel's POV****  
**Cas sits on the bed of their motel room. After some time, perhaps about two weeks ago, Gabriel got a job at a corner store and they got a room, though cheap and smelly, it's better than the alley they were staying in. Dean has been off-and-on staying with them , depending on Gabriel's mood. With all the hours that Gabe has been working Cas has been able to spend more and more time with Dean. Gabe's given up trying to control Castiel's life, which is perfect because Cas has made it clear his life isn't Gabe's to control.

"Dean?" Cas looks over at the bathroom door. Dean went in to 'take a piss' a minute ago, but he's been talking to himself or something and Cas is worried. "Dean?"

"One second, Cas." His voice then goes quiet and it's another minute before he comes out. "Hey," He smiles at Cas, and sits down on the bed beside him. "Sammy called, he's having trouble with girls."

"Oh. How is he? At home?" Cas rolls over and lies down on the bed, facing Dean. Dean doesn't look at him, but at the bathroom door. "Dean?"

"He's better than I was, that's for sure." He finally looks down at Cas. Since that night where he ran away he hasn't gone back once. He frowns. "He doesn't like me being gone; he misses me, is all. He's been calling a lot more often."

"We see him at school all the time." Cas states, not fully understanding what it's like to miss a sibling. Gabe is the closest of all his brothers and sisters, and nobody else understood him like Gabe. And Gabe is always around him, or within a safe range, so he doesn't understand what Dean's feeling.

"Yeah, but Sammy's like twelve, he doesn't get why I can't just go visit him, even while dad's at work. I've always been there for him, he's not used to me not being around." Cas nods, understanding a little. It's like when Gabe isn't home after closing, and Cas doesn't know where he is. And Cas can't reach him, so he gets worried.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, Cas?" Cas shakes his head; maybe it's not the time to talk about their summer plans. They were, they are, planning to go on a road trip across the country, seeing every landmark possible, but he feels that Dean is upset, and doesn't want to talk about it right now. "What is it, Cas?"

"Nothing." Cas sits up and puts a hand on Dean's shoulder. "I'm here for you, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Dean reaches over and kisses Cas' cheek. It's a simple gesture, but it's something they never do outside, or around other people. They hold hands in public, but never anything more. Cas wishes they would do more, but since that night in the park they've never done anything more but kiss and hold hands. "So, our vacation," Dean continues, as if reading his mind. "We leave the twenty-fourth, and we come back around labour day."

"What about the list, we were making a list. Like the giant coffee cup and the white house."

"Yeah, we'll go to everything."

"Dean?" Something seems off, he's acting odd, hiding something, but what? "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I'm just worried about Sammy." Cas tilts his head, deeply curious. "I swear it, Cas, I'm just worried about Sam. He's alone in there with my dad and it's not a good thought, you know?"

"Yeah." Cas is worried about Sam too, Sam is Dean's brother, and Dean is his. . . Well he doesn't know what Dean is, but he's still worried about Sam. Why isn't God protecting him? Why isn't he watching over his child and keeping him safe? Has he given up caring about his children on earth? "I'm sure Sam will be alright."

"So am I." Dean looks at Cas. "Cas, you want to go see a movie later this week?"

"Yeah, of course." Cas reaches over and touches Dean's face. Since living in his car he has more stubble growing, and it tickles Cas' hand. "Dean. . ." Before he can finish or start his sentence Dean's lips find his own and he's pushing Cas back on the bed. Quickly their breathing becomes shallow and rapid, and their hands are unable to find the right place to hold on to. Cas reaches for the hem of Dean's shirt and pulls at it. After a second Dean lets him remove it, and starts removing his belt. Cas has wanted this since that night, and finally Dean is willing again, he doesn't hold back, he lets go.

Until Gabe walks in. . . "Shit." Dean falls off the bed and onto the floor, away from Cas. "Ouch."

"Dean?" Cas looks over at Dean and helps him up. "You alright?"

"Yeah." Dean stands up and grabs his shirt off the end of the bed. Before Cas can blink it's back over his chest. "Sorry, I've got to go. I'll catch ya later." He grabs Castiel's hand and gives him _the look_, the look that says he's sorry, that he doesn't want to go, but he doesn't want to be public yet. It's a look he's been getting a lot lately. Cas nods and Dean leaves. He closes the door behind him and it's just him and Gabriel alone in the room.

"I didn't just see what I think I just saw, did I?" Gabe drops his backpack on the floor and walks over to his bed. "Castiel?"

"What, Gabriel?"

"Are you. . ." Gabe knows that Dean and Cas have a connection. He doesn't understand what that connection is, or how it is, but he knows about it. Cas has talked about it a few times with Gabe, because who else is he going to talk to about it?

"What, Gabriel?"

"Nothing." Gabe sits on his bed and pulls a book off his table. Unlike Cas, Gabe has easily become a human, like he's done it before or something, it's easy for him. He just watches movies, reads stories, and acts like he was never an angel.

"Gabriel?"

"Yes, brother?"

"I want to tell him everything."

"What?" If there had been something in his mouth Cas is sure he would have spit it out. "Are you serious, Castiel?!"

"Yes, brother, I am. I am more serious than I ever have been. Dean is something, something special, and I hate not being able to tell him everything."

"Cas. . ."

"Yes, brother?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do believe that you've fallen in love with a human. . ." Cas looked away for a second, unsure about his next words. He could d explain to his brother what he was actually feeling, he could explain to him what Dean was to him, what he thought he was to Dean. He could try and try to explain everything; he could even try to lie. But no words came out. He couldn't even say that Dean was just his way back into heaven, because it wasn't the truth. Nothing he could muster was the truth.

What Gabriel has just said was the only truth Castiel can think of.


	13. Talking with Sammy

**Chapter 13****  
Dean's POV**

For the last month Dean Winchester has lived in his impala. Sometimes, when Gabriel isn't home he sleeps with Cas in their motel room, but most nights he stays in his car. Him and Sammy keep in touch a lot, but Dean refuses to park his car within a kilometer of his house, and he won't even drive past the property. He meets with Sammy every morning, lunch and afternoon, but he still worries, and he knows Sammy worries too. He drives the impala down a road until he finds an empty parking lot to sleep in. As he pulls the car over he gets a call. He knows before he picks up that it's Sammy. He's changed Sammy's ringtone so that he'll know when he's calling.

"Sammy?" His deep voice booms into his phone. He tries not to sound worried, but it's nearly midnight, and Sammy should be asleep. "What's up, lil' brother?"

"Dean?" Sam doesn't sound frightened or afraid, he just sounds lonely. "I just wanted to say goodnight."

"Goodnight, Sammy." Dean smiles into the phone, but he doesn't hang up. He waits for Sam to say something else.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, Sammy?"

"Do you have to leave?"

"Yeah I do, Sammy, Cas and I have already planned everything."

"Can I come with you?"

"As much as I want you to come with us, Sam, you can't, you've got to stay in Kansas with Jess, and Mom and Dad, okay?"

"Okay. . ." Sammy trails off. In the background Dean can hear him tapping the wood of his bedframe. "Dean?"

"Yeah, Sammy?"

"I lo— You'll be there tomorrow, right?" Dean knows what Sam was going to say, but being Sam, he would never say it because he's afraid of what their father would think of him if he said it. "Right, Dean?"

"Yeah, little brother, I'll be there, at the bus stop, waiting for you, like always."

* * *

The next morning, like always, Dean waits for Sammy at the school. He sits on the impala and waits for the school bus to drop him off. When Sam gets off the bus he runs straight to Dean and jumps on the impala. "How are you this morning, little brother?"

"Good."

"How's Mom doing?"

"Mom's good. She's sad though. You should call her."

"I can't call her, not when Dad's home."

"Then call her when Dad isn't home."

"Sam. . ." Dean trails off. He really doesn't have a good reason for not calling his mother. He's just afraid that talking to her will make him feel worse about leaving. If he feels guilty about leaving, which he doesn't at the moment, then he might go back _home_. "You're right."

"I know I am; Mom says I'm always right."

"You're a little Smart-Alek, you know that right?"

"Yeah." Sammy laughs, and Dean smiles. He loves when his brother is happy; it tells him that everything isn't so bad, that things are good even. "So, there's this science camp Jess and I are going to, and it's going to be the coolest thing ever. . ." Sam goes on about the camp, and how he and Jess are excited. Dean listens, but he's not really interested, and he doesn't really understand it. Science isn't his thing, he doesn't know what his _thing_ is actually, he just knows that it's not school, at all. "So it's going to be so fun, and unlike the science fair, Jess and I are going to be learning about all types of things, like light, and elements, and it's going to be so cool."

"Yeah, sounds cool, bud."

"To me it does. To you it sounds boring, doesn't it?"

"No. . . Yeah, actually." Dean pauses and looks down at his brother. Sam better call him all summer, at least once a week. "You still have that phone I got you?"

"Yeah."

"You call me every Thursday, you promise?"

"Yeah, I promise, Dean." Sam looks up at his brother. "Cas is special, isn't he?"

"What?" Dean's not surprised that Sam is bringing it up again. Sam is curious about everything.

"Cas, he's special, right?"

"Yeah, you could say that."

"Dean?" Just then the bell rings and Dean jumps off his car.

"Get to class, kid. Call me if you need to chat before lunch, alright?"

"Yeah." Sammy jumps off the impala, grabs his back pack and hugs Dean. "I'm going to miss you, Dean."

"We're not leaving until next Friday."

"I know. But I'm going to miss you, still. Have fun with Cas, okay? And be safe, don't get lost or mauled by a bear, okay?" Sam pulls away from Dean and runs into the school. Smiling, Dean gets into his car and drives around into the school parking lot.


	14. I am an Angel (of the Lord)

**Chapter 14****  
Castiel's POV**

Cas walks along with Dean beside him. After school they drove away until they found a trail to walk down. He told Dean that he had something to tell him, and Dean sounded freaked out, but after a few minutes of walking he seemed to calm down. He's even holding Cas' hand, which gives Cas the confidence he needs to tell Dean everything.

"You're still coming on the trip, aren't you?" Dean sounds worried. He looks calm, but his voice sounds worried, afraid. "It's okay if you aren't, just tell me."

"I'm coming, I promise. It's not that, Dean, I just want you to know everything. . . Everything about me."

"Like what?"

"Well, for starters, I am—I _was _an angel."

"What?" Dean freezes, unable to say more. Cas watches him, worried for a moment. "I'm listening."

"You're not. . ." Cas can't phrase his thoughts properly.

"There are crazier things, Cas, I believe you." Smiling, Cas swings their hands back and forth. "I'm listening, Cas, go on."

Cas keeps swinging their arms back and forth. This is going to be easier than he thought it would be. This morning when him and Gabe fought over the topic of Dean Winchester he became more and more afraid of telling him, but now he feels like he can tell him everything. He's unafraid of what he'll say. He goes on and tells him everything. He tells him about heaven, and how everybody has a different heaven. He tells him about God, and how he is both good and bad. He tells him about Michael, and Raphael, Gabriel, and Lucifer. He even tells him about his other siblings, like Anna, and Balthazar, and Zachariah, and others he played around with growing up.

He goes on and tells Dean all about the things he learned growing up, and how he helped humans until he finally fell from heaven.

"And Michael, he was the best. He would always show us how to do everything. He taught me that everything on earth had a purpose, and that everything had a reason to live. Like once, he told me not to squish a fish because it had a lot in its future. He even helped me put the fish back into the lake. But he always did what father wanted, always, no matter what it was, and Gabriel and I weren't like that." Cas swings Dean's hand again. "I tried to follow what father wanted, but I couldn't always. Sometimes he wanted things that didn't make sense, like no haircuts, and no work on Sundays. Some things didn't make any sense, and Gabriel thought so too.

"Gabriel and I are alike, a lot alike; we both love humans, and humanity, and Gabriel and I were closer than the others. Gabriel was easy to talk to, and he understood me unlike the others. Gabriel is my closest brother, and my best friend. But Gabriel is silly. . He likes to make trouble. He liked to play tricks on everybody. He once played this trick on Michael, when Michael opened the door a bunch of water fell on him. He couldn't fly for a week." Castiel smiles at the memory. It seemed so long ago now, like millions of years ago, but it was only a few years past.

"The last trick Gabriel played got us kicked out. Father told him specifically not to play a prank on the day that Michael would become of age. We don't call them birthdays up there, we call them age days, because it's a day that you become a year older, not the day you're born, that only happens once. Anyway, Michael was old enough to start learning to be the next god, and Gabriel was told no pranks, not a single one. I didn't know this at the time he came to me, but Gabriel and I planned the little prank, even though Gabriel knew he shouldn't. We found this sappy stuff, it was sticky and thick, and we pulled out some of our feathers. With angel powers this prank was easy to do, so we did it. The second he opened the door the sap was on him, and so were the feathers. The bad part was that it happened in front of every angel, in the middle of the ceremony, and we were the cause of it. When Gabriel and I were planning this he didn't say this was his plan, but clearly it was because he stood there laughing. We were yelled at, a lot, and father kicked us out. He said that when we proved we could be the angels we thought we could be that he would give us back our wings. And now I am here with you, nearly three months later walking in the woods with you." Dean is quiet for a long time. Cas waits. When he finally can't take it anymore he stops walking and turns to Dean. "Say something. Please."

"I don't know what to say, man."

"You believe me? You're not freaked out by me?"

"Yes and no." Cas doesn't speak. He waits. "I believe you because it makes sense. You don't understand anything about human life. You have a hard time speaking like a normal person. You don't understand the point of school, and you always act like you know everything, which you probably do to be honest. And whenever you see something you've never seen before, which is all the time, you act like a toddler discovering the world. It makes sense, Castiel, that's why I'm not freaked out. I knew you were different since the first time I saw you in history class."

Cas smiles. "I was so worried this morning, but I'm glad it turned out like this." Inhaling, he thinks about Gabe's words last night. He can tell him, he can tell Dean. "Dean?"

"Yeah, man?"

"I love you." Cas looks at Dean in those big green eyes of his. Dean says nothing. "I love you, Dean." Waiting, Dean doesn't say anything, he just stares at Cas, frozen. "Dean?"

Dean stumbles over his words. "You know, I just remembered that I have to meet Sammy." He lets go of Cas' hand. "I've got to go before Sammy thinks I forgot about him."

"Yeah, of course."

"I'll drop you off at the motel."

"No." Cas shakes his head. "I can walk. I enjoy the woods."

"Are you sure?" Dean grabs his hand again. "It's no problem, driving you home."

"Yes, Dean, I'm sure. Go see Sam. I'll be fine. I promise." Dean leans over and kisses Castiel's cheek. As he turns and runs away Cas thinks about how he is anything but fine. He said it and Dean couldn't say it back. He said _it_, and Dean didn't say it back. Freaked out, Cas walks along the trail alone. He doesn't care if he doesn't find his way back home, he just wants to be alone so he can feel what he's feeling.


	15. Gay is Okay

**_Haven't posted in a while... I actually finished writing this but I didn't feel like posting it yet... Anyway here it is.  
_**

* * *

**Chapter 15****  
Dean's POV**

Dean knew why he couldn't say it the second he left Cas. He's never said those words before, not to anybody but Sammy and his mother. Those three words carry so much weight with them. How is he supposed to say how he actually feels when they carry that much weight with them? Not only that, but saying those words mean that he's . . . not into woman. That he's. . . He can't even say it. He knows what he is, he's known for a while now, but that doesn't mean he's ready to acknowledge it. How can you just acknowledge the fact that you're different than everybody else? And that you're a 'sin'. Dean isn't ready to think about that, not yet at least.

Dean knows what he has to do, but he's not sure he can do it. He still pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials anyway. He's happy when she picks up.

"Hello?"

Dean breathes in deeply and smiles to himself. "Mom."

"Dean?!" She shouts into the phone and Dean has to pull the phone away from his ear. "Dean is that you?"

"Yeah, Mom." He pulls the phone back to his ear.

"Dean, are you okay?"

"Yeah, Mom, I'm fine." He pauses. He can't lie to his mother. "Actually, Mom, I'm not fine. I need you."

"Dean, what is it? What do you need? What can I do?"

"Is Dad home?"

"No, he's at the shop."

"Can I come over?"

On the other side Mary sounds like she might cry. "Of course you can come home, Dean."

* * *

**Castiel's POV**

Cas eventually finds his way home. He's not happy when Gabe isn't home so he walks down the road to the store that Gabe works at. Gabe is sitting behind the counter in the empty store looking at a magazine. "Cas?"

"Gabe!" Cas runs up to the counter and leans against it.

"What is wrong, brother?"

"Dean! He. . ."

"Did he freak out? I told you he would."

"No!" Cas grabs his brother's collar and pulls him closer. "I told him I love him, and he didn't say it back! He doesn't love me! What do I do, brother?"

"Well, first, you let me go." Gabe pushes on Cas' hands until he lets him go. "Second, you give him time, and third you go and talk to him."

"Time? Why would he need time?"

"Humans are odd." Gabriel backs away from the counter a little, probably so Cas can't grab him again. "And you told him you were an —" He looks around. There isn't a soul in the store. "An angel right?" Cas nods. "He's probably more freaked out then he's letting on. Just give him time to mull all this over."

"How much time, Gabriel? How much time?"

"I don't know." He looks at his nails, bored. "Ask him, not me."

"But I don't know where he is."

"Why don't you call him?" Gabe pulls his phone out of his pocket. They share a phone since it's cheaper. Cas takes the phone and dials Dean's cell. Gabriel waits for Castiel to speak into the phone, but he doesn't. He hangs up and passes the phone back. "Well?"

"He didn't pick up." Cas pulls himself up onto the counter and sits down. "Do you think he loves me back, brother?"

"I don't know. I don't think much about the guy."

"Gabriel, I need advice."

With his back turned to his brother, he can't see him, but from the sound that comes out of his mouth Cas knows he's making his grumpy-brother face. "I'm not father."

"Gabriel." Cas swings his legs up and turns around to face his brother. "That is not what I meant." Gabe makes a face; his lips and brows form lines across his face. "I meant that you are better at all this human stuff than I am and I don't know how humans think."

"You know Dean Winchester better than anyone, do you not?"

"Yes," Castiel bites his lower lip. "I believe so."

"Then you shouldn't be talking to me." Gabriel crosses his arms, raises his brows and shrugs. "I think we both know who you should be talking to."

"He didn't pick up."

"Then go searching for him, little brother." Gabriel shakes his head a little and his eyes widen questioningly. "You have that connection, don't you? You can find him, so go find him, and talk to him. Talking to me isn't going to do you much good, brother. You sure as hell don't love me like that." Castiel's nose wrinkles at the mention of Hell. "You know what I mean." Gabriel corrects himself. "What are you waiting for, Castiel? Go find him."

Cas jumps off the counter and puts a hand on Gabriel's shoulder. "Thank you, brother."

"Just go before I get all emotional and stuff." Cas nods at his older brother and runs out of the store before Gabe can get another word out. He tunes into the connection they have and he thinks he knows where Dean is. He's not sure, but the feeling he's getting from Dean is a safe, happy one, which can only mean one thing; he's with his mother.

* * *

**Dean & Mary's POV**

Dean and his mother sit on the bench on the front deck. When Dean first got 'home', Mary couldn't stop hugging him. Though, Dean wasn't ready to let go after a while either. Mary and Sam were the two people he loved most in his life, and not seeing Mary, or talking to her for this length of time hurt him. For a while they talked about school, and Sammy, nothing else, until Mary asked why he needed her.

"I'm broken, Mom. I'm a broken mess, and I'm sorry that I'm your son, but I think –"

"Hold on, Dean. You are anything but broken, you hear me? You are perfect, and I'm glad that you are my son. I love you, no matter what you do, do you understand me? You are **not** broken."

"But Mom. . . I l-l-l I love a dude."

"So?"

"You don't hate me?" Dean turns his head and looks at his mother. "I thought this stuff was a sin or something?"

"Who cares? It doesn't make me think anything less of you. You are still _my son_, and I will always love you, Dean. No matter what. And love is a beautiful thing, no matter who you love."

"Dad's going to kill me."

"No he won't. I won't let him."

Dean shakes his head, knowing Mary won't do anything. She never has before, never, she's too tiny compared to John, what can she do against him? "You can't – you haven't before."

"I know," She puts an arm around her and pulls Dean into her. She feels a lot stronger than she ever was before, but maybe he's imagining it, or maybe she was always this strong and he never saw it until now. "But I'm here now. John won't scare us forever, Dean. He won't. We need to stand up to him, together."

"I'm not coming home, Mom."

"Dean, please."

"I can't, Mom, I just can't. And I'm okay with that. I like sleeping in the impala, and I actually have summer plans. Cas and I are going to travel the country together."

"This Cas is him, the one you love?"

"Yes." Dean pulls away from his mother. Hearing that he loves Cas is weird. He knows it's true, that he loves him, he's just not used to his orientation out in the open, so out there like that.

"Dean, it's alright, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, but why can't I say it to him?" Dean stands up so he doesn't accidently hit his mother or something other. "Why can't I say it?" He throws his arms up in the air and slams them down on his thighs. "I can't say that to him." He paces in front of the bench. "I can say it to you, and Sammy, but I can't say it to him."

"It takes time, Dean. Nothing everything is as easy as it seems."

"But why can't I say it? Why am I so broken?" Mary stands up and stops her son's pacing. She can't stand him being like this, so down on himself, so angry and full of self-loathing.

"Dean, listen to me. You. Are. Not. Broken. You are perfect the way you are. Everybody is different, and that's okay. Not everybody can say those three words when they should, and that's okay. Not everybody likes the opposite sex, and that's okay. Not everybody is perfect – actually nobody is perfect, but that's the way it is. And you're perfect to me, Dean."

"You have to say that, you're my mother."

"No, Dean, I'm saying it because it's true." She pulls him in for a hug. "Don't forget that you're perfect to me, okay, and that I will always love you."

"Yeah." Just then, Mary tenses up. Her tensing up scares Dean because he can't see what she sees. He's facing the house, and she faces the yard. He can't see who or what she sees. When Dean tries to look she tightens her grip on him, protectively. "Who are you?"

"Dean?" A soft voice calls. At the sound of his voice his mother lets go of him and Dean turns around. He looks down at Cas, who stands mere feet from their small deck, staring at him. "Dean, can we talk?"

"Yeah," Instead of walking down the stairs he jumps over the railing and grabs Castiel's hand. "I'll be right back, Mom."

Mary nods. "I'll be in the kitchen, sweetie." Dean nods and pulls Cas around to the corner of the house. He waits until he hears the door close to speak.

"How did you find me?"

"The connection. . . I just felt that you felt safe. I knew you were with your mother."

"Cas, you. . ." Dean shakes his head, unable to speak. "Cas, I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Cas touches Dean's face, the back of his fingers trail along his jaw. "I said it too soon, I am sorry."

"Cas –"

"It's okay if you don't feel that way; I shouldn't have assumed that you did. I'm sorry."

"Babe," Dean grabs Castiel by his hips and pulls so that his hips are touching Dean's. "Stop talking for a second, 'kay?" Dean presses his lips against Cas' and pulls him as close as they can get with their clothes on. "Don't be sorry, okay?" Dean smiles once they break away. "I'm glad you feel that way, honestly." But he still can't get the words out. Not yet at least. He's not ready, not yet.

"Do you want to meet my mother?" Mary hears from outside the window. She'd been listening, but not on purpose. She came into the kitchen and she heard bits and pieces, and she got curious. She was hoping Dean would get over his fear and say those three words, but he doesn't. He brings the boy inside instead, which is equally as perfect.

"Mom?" She turns around to face her son. He looks like a completely different person. He's no longer the same boy he was a second ago. Now he's smiling, and happy, and not worried. "This is Cas." The dark haired boy steps over with a hand extended. She reaches out and shakes it.

"It's nice to meet you. Dean has told me so much about you." She lies; she hasn't spoken to Dean since he left until today. "Is Cas short for something?"

"Caseson." Dean tries to say, but Cas speaks over him. "Castiel."

"Which is it?" Mary asks, confused.

"Castiel, my name is Castiel. I'm glad to have finally met you, Mrs. Winchester, Dean talks about you all the time."


	16. The Demon

**Chapter 16****  
Castiel's POV**

Castiel walks out of the theater holding Dean's hand. They're talking about how good the movie was, and laughing at some stupid things that happened in it. The movie they saw was about dinosaurs on an island, Cas doesn't remember the title, but the movie was good. He likes seeing movies with Dean; it's dark, and Dean's not afraid to cuddle with him in the darkness. Since meeting Mary, Dean's mother, things have been different, though. Dean has been less afraid to show the world who he loves, and is less afraid of holding him and kissing him in public.

"Who would even want to go on an island with a bunch of dinosaurs anyway? That's like instant death." Dean laughs. "Who came up with this silly idea anyway?"

"Yes," Castiel agrees, "And how is this even possible? Technology is not advanced enough to recreate extinct animals."

"Yeah, that too." Dean shakes his head at something, then pulls Cas in the direction of the impala. "You're weird sometimes, Cas."

"Weird?" Is weird a bad thing? Cas isn't sure. His voice shakes as he questions Dean.

"Yeah, but I like it." Dean parked the car behind the movie theater before the movie. To get to the car they have to go through an alley that's between the theater and another building. Dean now pulls Cas into the alley. "I like it a lot." Once the enter the darkness of the alley Dean presses his back against the wall and pulls Cas into him.

"Dean?" He barely asks before getting kissed.

"Is Gabriel home tonight?" Dean asks between kisses. "We could go tear it up at your place."

"I believe—" Kiss. "He is home." Kiss.

"You know—" Kiss. "We could try the back of the impala."

"Yes, Dean, let's try the back of your vehicle." Once again Dean takes his hand and they start walking down the rest of the alley. Cas can't help but smile as they go on. He's wanted this since that first night. To be that close with Dean again is all he's wanted. It's a feeling he never had as an angel, closeness like that with somebody. He's also never felt love like this until he met Dean Winchester. He doesn't know what his life would have been like had he never met Dean.

"Castiel?"

"Yes?" It takes him a second to realize that voice is not Dean's. That it's not even a man's voice, that it's a female's. "Dean, stay back." Cas spins around, looking about in the darkness. He instinctively puts Dean between him and the _thing_.

"Cas?" Dean looks over Cas' shoulder and at the woman that stands in front of them. He puts a hand on his shoulder and tries to stand in front. "What's going on? Is that an angel friend?" Cas simply shakes his head and puts a hand in front of Dean so that he can't move in forward. The woman in front of them is tall with blonde hair and black eyes. Cas knows in an instant what this thing is, and who it is. He's killed her before.

"Deava."

"You remember me!" She smiles her disgustingly evil smile. Being human, Cas can't see her demon face behind her vessel, but he can easily image it; the image of demons are permanently etched into his mind. "I thought you would have forgotten." She steps closer. Cas pushes Dean back as he steps away from the demon.

"Dean, go to the car, drive away."

"No." Dean pushes against Cas' arm, fighting him. "I'm not leaving."

"Dean." He speaks through closed teeth, yet Dean stays behind him, pushing forward.

"You know," Deava goes on. "When I heard you were on Earth I thought it was for some mission or something, but over the past few days I learned something; you're human."

"What do you want, Deava?"

"What do I want?" She laughs, her neck craning right up into the air. "I want revenge, Castiel; I want you dead." A silver staff falls out of her sleeve and into her hand. Cas recognizes it immediately as something no demon should have its hands on. "I'm here to kill you." She steps forward. "Now tell me; do fallen angels still get to go to heaven?" She takes another step forward, he takes two back.

"Cas, what is that?" Of course; the blade doesn't look like a normal blade to a human. "Cas?"

"It's an angel blade." It's a blade that it can kill angels, and most likely fallen angels as well. Dean's hand tenses around Castiel's arm. "It's fine Dean," He lies. "It can't hurt me now." His hand stays tense and Cas knows that Dean hasn't fallen for it. "Get in the car, okay?"

"No." Dean scoffs, clearly not falling for anything. "Listen, girl, go away, okay? Whatever Cas did, he's sorry, okay? He had no choice; he was doing the big guy's bidding. He didn't mean it, okay, just go."

The woman, Deava, laughs demonically again. "You are an idiot, human. Castiel is a monster, and he killed many of my kind. Now it's my turn to return the favour." The girl steps forward again. Cas pushes Dean further back as Deava takes the blade into her hand and walks faster towards them. "Just go, human, or I'll kill you as well."

Then she dives at them. Cas throws Dean out of the way and jumps behind her, distracting her for a second. Cas almost grabs the blade from her when she turns around and dives at him again. He dodges her, zig-zagging back and forth until the demon falls behind. Then he slides through the garbage and nearly grabs the knife from her. On the ground he's more vulnerable to the demon. He scrambles to his feet, sliding down once because of a plastic bag and another time in panic.

"Cas!" Dean screams. Castiel turns his head just in time to see Dean run over to him and dive in front of him. "CAS!" His eyes follow Dean as he dives in front of the angel blade. The demon stabs Dean in the chest, where his heart should be.

Castiel screams, "DEAN!" only it's too late. Dean has been stabbed instead of him, and the blood drips from the wound. Cas scrambles to help Dean, but he weighs more than Cas and weighs him down. Unable to move, Cas grabs Dean's hand and squeezes it.

To his surprise Dean squeezes back. Then Dean's hand pulls away and pulls the blade out of his chest. "Dean, no!" Learning what he has in health class, Cas knows that pulling out the blade will do more harm than good. "Dean!" He raises the blade up as high as he can and stabs the demon. "Dean?" Deava, stunned moves back and falls. The angel blade, known for killing angels, shoots electricity through the demon, now killing the demon. How had Dean known this?

Dean, weak now, his hand falls. Cas slowly slides out from under Dean and holds him in his lap. He, nor any angel he knows has ever stabbed a human with an angel blade; he does not know how this will affect Dean.

"Dean?" Dean doesn't speak, he only looks at Cas with wide, sad eyes. "Keep your eyes open, alright?" Dean blinks, his eyes seeming heavy, even to Cas. "Don't you dare, you hear me? Don't you dare leave me. Don't Dean, don't." Dean's hand reaches up and touches his arm, then his eyes close. "Dean!" Looking around Cas begins to freak out. As a human, what can he do but call for help? "Help! Somebody! Help! Somebody! Please help!"


	17. The Angel's Promise

**Chapter 17****  
Mary's POV**

"Your son's been hurt," Are four words that a mother never wants to hear. When a police comes to the door you don't expect these to be the first words out of his mouth. And you definitely don't expect "We're going to escort you to the hospital." To be his next.

"Mom, Dean's going to be okay, right?" Sam stands next to Mary in the waiting room of the hospital. He's feeling just as afraid as she is. "He's going to wake up, right?" In truth, Mary doesn't know the answer. The doctors have told her nothing, only that another person was D.O.A, and Dean was lucky to still be breathing when they got there. She prayed that he would survive, but not knowing fully what happened scared her. He could have been bitten by a vampire, or a werewolf, or a wendigo, or worse, encountered a demon. Not knowing what truly happened and not being able to examine his body for marks is driving her insane. _I should never have let him leave the other day. I should have kept him at home; safe._

"Yes, Sam, Dean's going to be fine." She pats him on the head, then pulls him into her side, hugging him. "Dean's going to wake up anytime." Mary pulls out of the hug and kneels down to her son's level. "Are you hungry?"

"No. Not really."

"I bet you're hungrier than you think you are." They left in the middle of dinner, and Sam had barely eaten when they left. "Here." She hands him a ten dollar bill. "Go down to the cafeteria and get a snack, alright?"

"You'll come get me if Dean wakes up, right?"

"I promise." Mary smiles as best she can and stands up. "Go on, now." Sam smiles at her and runs down the hall and towards the cafeteria. Mary turns away, trying to think about what's next instead of trying to figure out what happened in the alley. With her hunter past though, it's difficult. How can she think about anything _but_ what happened. Had it been a normal human mugging? A hell hound? A demon? A ghost? A vampire? What had it been in that alley? And why had it killed one thing, and not Dean as well? Not that Mary wishes her son dead, she's just confused as to what happened if it was a supernatural creature. Why had it only left one victim?

"Can I see him?" Mary's head turns in the direction of the familiar voice. At the main desk a boy stands in a sweater that is drenched in blood and sweat. His hair is the dark brown that she remembers from the other night, and he's thing and shaky, like somebody who's just been through a trauma. Behind him is a blond boy who is taller, more muscular and with longer hair. The blond one looks angry. "I need to see him."

"I'm afraid that if you're not family you cannot see him." The woman behind the counter frowns.

"I have to, though, he's. . ." The boy trails off. "I'm his. . ." What's the boy's name? Mary can't remember. It was something different, something weird. Something _not human_.

"I'm sorry, sir, you're his what?"

"Nothing." The boy steps away from the counter and looks at the blond boy. "Gabriel?" That's it, the boy's name sounded like that, only different.

"Cas," That's it! Mary walks over now, knowing the boy's name she is less afraid.

"Castiel?" The blond one, Gabriel, raises a brow as Castiel and crosses his arms. "You're Dean's boyfriend, am I correct?" Castiel blushes, as if that title has never been bestowed upon him before.

"I guess." As if realizing now that he is covered in blood he removes his sweater and folds it over his arms. "You're his mother."

"Yes," She turns to Gabriel. "Is this another friend of Dean's?"

"This is my brother, Gabriel." They don't shake hands because Gabriel won't uncross his arms. Instead, he nods at her. "Is Dean okay?"

"We don't know yet. He's in surgery."

"Surgery?!" Castiel takes a step backwards, as if this is news to him. "Surgery. . ." He nearly falls backwards, but his brother uncrosses his arms and catches him lightning fast. _Something is not right about these two_, Mary decides. _Something is very off here_.

"What happened? You were there, right? What happened?" Castiel shakes his head and closes his eyes, as if remembering it hurts or something. "Please, I have to know."

"This girl just. . . Jumped us." Mary knows instantly that he's lying. He's bad at it. She steps closer, close enough to make the space between them nothing and make the air tense. "What?"

"Don't lie to me. My family were hunters, and I know things, now tell me what happened." She keeps her voice quiet enough so that nobody else except these two can hear her.

"A demon. . ." Castiel tells her everything, even the part about him and Gabriel being fallen angels. "I'm sorry, he just. . . He dived in front of me."

"Leave."

"What?" Castiel questions.

"Leave Kansas, never come back."

"What?" Gabriel is the one questioning her now.

"Leave, never come back. It's simple. As long as you're around you will attract dangerous things here, and I will not teach my children to be hunters. I'm asking you to leave before more things come here. I know how to hunt but I will not risk the lives of my family. Do not make me hurt you, I couldn't do that to Dean, so I'm asking you to leave."

"But—"

"Brother," Gabriel puts a hand on Castiel's chest, holding him back. "This is a better choice. Dean will be safe if we are gone."

"But I love him." Castiel looks up at Mary with the saddest eyes she has ever seen. "Let me say goodbye, then I will leave."

"Alright." It's agreed upon that the second somebody is allowed to see him that Castiel will walk in, whisper his goodbyes, and leave town forever.

* * *

**Castiel's POV**

_How does one say goodbye? To the one they love the most?_ Praying has always helped Castiel, even as an angel. Praying was the easiest way to get father's attention, and as a human it comes naturally. _I cannot say goodbye to him, I cannot let him go._

_It's for the best, my son. What else are you to do? Disobey a mother's wishes?_ Of course, father was right; he was always right. _You can be the angel that I know you to be, or the fallen one I do not know._

But he has fallen, so does that mean he can do whatever he wishes? Because he wishes to never leave Dean's side. Though if he stays here then he has no hope of ever getting his wings or his grace back, not that he wants them anyway. What would be the point of heaven if he couldn't be with Dean Winchester?

_I know it is a tough decision to make, son, but it is a decision I must leave you to make on your own. Your brothers and sisters need me, goodbye son._

_Father?_ Though, as expected, there is no answer. How can he do this? Choose? This is like choosing between his grace and Gabriel all over again, only worse because he's choosing life with Dean, or without Dean, forever.

"Castiel, you can go see him. He's asleep, but they say he can hear you." Mary walks over and walks away just as quickly. He thought that when he met her the first time she loved him, and now he knows that is not the case. She knows what he is and unlike Dean, she hates him. Cas walks into the room that he knows is Dean's and stands over him.

There are tubes everywhere, in his nose and in his wrists. He doesn't look like Dean, yet he does; a weak, broken version of him that is. Perhaps the angel blade did more damage than he thought.

"Dean?" Cas reaches over and touches his cold face. "I don't want to, but I have to leave." He expects Dean's eyes to open or for his lips to move, but they don't. "I have to protect you in the only way I know how, and that's leaving you in the safety of your family." Cas shakes his head, remembering how Dean is afraid of home because of John and his insanity. Home is not safe, no safer than being with him is. But. . . he promised Mary he would leave if he said goodbye.

"I promised; I'm sorry Dean. I love you." He leans down and kisses Dean's forehead then turns away. As he turns he can see that Mary is watching from the window. She's trying to make it look like she's not watching or listening, but she is.

"Cas," A raspy voice calls to him, and a hand reaches for his. "Cas?"

"Dean?" He turns around instantly; knowing the voice's owner. He ignores everything else around him, including the door hissing as it opens behind him. "Dean?"

"Don't you dare," He starts, copying the last words that Cas had said to him before he passed out. "Don't you dare leave me, Cas. Don't." His eyes are filled with water and Cas knows that he's heard every word he's said. "Don't you dare."

"Dean." Cas entwines his fingers into Dean's and leans closer to him. "I can't break a promise."

"What about your promise to me?" Dean's voice is weak, and Cas knows that he'll probably fall asleep again soon.

"What promise?" He's sure he didn't make any.

"That we're going on that trip." Cas smiles as he feels his heart break a little. A while ago when they were making plans he promised he would go, no matter what. He promised that even if Gabriel tried to stop him that he would still go. It was only a joke, but he can't break that promise either. It's an angel thing, or his thing, it's his morals really, he can't break a promise, he just can't, no matter what. "Don't leave, Cas. Don't.

"Oh Dean." He squeezes Dean's hand. "You're too fearless, you know? You could have died."

"But I didn't."

"But you could have." He sits on the edge of the bed.

"I couldn't let you die." Cas was right, Dean knew that there was a chance the blade could kill him. Dean is so much smarter than he gives himself credit for. "I had to save you."

"You need to use your brain sometimes, Dean. You could have died."

Dean lets out a weak, tired laugh. "But I have you for that, you genius." He reaches over with his other hand and puts it on top of their entwined hands. "And I'm fine." Unable to help himself he leans down and kisses Dean. "I think I'm going to sleep now."

"Go ahead."

"You'll be here when I wake up, right?"

Cas looks at the window where he expects Mary to be watching, only she's in the room now, standing in the doorway with John. He had forgotten that he heard the door open. He looks at them for a second, silently asking permission to break his promise.

"You'll be here, right, man?" Cas can't look away from Mary even as Dean squeezes his hand in fear and worry. He stares, waiting for an answer. "Cas?" Mary doesn't move at first, she just keeps her arms around John and her eyes on Dean. "Cas?" She's afraid; Cas can see it. She's afraid of what might happen if he stays, but also of what might happen if he leaves. Either more danger could come, or her son's heart would be broken. "Castiel?" As Dean's voice cracks Mary finally nods her head, but as slowly as possible. This time Dean squeezes Cas' hand harder.

Turning back as quickly as possible, he finally replies. "Yes, Dean. I'll be right here."

"Okay." He squeezes Cas' hand one more time (not nearly as hard as before) then closes his eyes and nuzzles into the pillow under his head. Cas rubs the back of his hand and watches as he falls asleep. _Surgery must be tiring._ He wonders curiously. _Though, aren't you asleep for surgeries?_ Confused he shrugs and continues staring down at Dean. They must be tiring, he concludes, as Dean is asleep faster than it would take to name every archangel.

"Castiel?" Mary calls his name after what feels like a millennium.

"Yes?" He slowly turns to look at John and Mary, wanting not to leave Dean's side or even to let go of his hand. He only moves his head as he turns to them, showing his unwillingness to leave.

"Keep our son safe, alright?"

"Of course." He turns back to Dean and watches him, waiting for him to wake up. Though it's not long before he's asleep beside him and their arms are around each other. Cas quickly finds himself dreaming about their trip. It's going to be so much fun, travelling the country in the impala, just the two of them, alone for three months. He can't wait for school to be over.


	18. That Was My Pie

**Chapter 18****  
Dean's POV**

When Dean wakes up again Cas is in the small hospital bed with him, his body curled into Dean's. Sam is sitting in the window beside him, reading some book. Mary is sitting in a chair on the other side of the bed holding a coffee, but she looks like she's about to pass out. John sits beside her, just staring at the bed, looking angry like he always does. Not wanted to be noticed by his father Dean curls himself around Cas and pretends to be asleep. His stomach though says otherwise as it makes a nasty gurgling sound.

"Dean?" John stands up and walks over to the bed. Dean keeps his eyes closed, and his hand in Castiel's. "Dean, I know I haven't always been the best father, and I'm sorry, but I want you to know, kid, that I'm proud of you." Dean keeps his eyes closed as he squeezes Cas' hand. "I am proud of you, Dean." His stomach makes another unworldly sound and he forces his eyes open. "I mean it Dean. I'm proud of you."

A compliment from John was rare, so Dean smiles at his father and takes it. "Thanks, Dad."

"Dean!" Sammy stands up in the window and jumps down. "Dean! You're awake!" He runs over to the bed and tries to get in beside Dean, but with Cas there is no room. "Dean are you okay?"

"Yeah." He tries to sit up so he can talk to his little brother, but Cas is on his one arm, and his chest hurts a little too much. "I'm fine, little brother."

"The doctor said you're lucky to be alive." Dean turns to Mary, "You could have punctured your lung but you didn't."

"I'm glad you didn't, Dean." Sam continues trying to sit on the bed. Dean tries to sit up or to move over, but his whole body is in pain. "I saw your friend, he's really cool."

"Who?" Dean doesn't have any friends besides Cas.

"Gabe. He said he was your friend, and he told me to tell Cas that he went home." Sam finally gets part of himself on the bed. "He pulled a quarter out of my ear."

"That's pretty cool." His stomach makes another alien sound and he puts a hand on his stomach, telling it to shut up. Cas, who's head is on his shoulder, moves over slightly as if the sound annoys him. Dean's hand moves up from his stomach and over to Cas' face. _Don't wake up, now. Don't wake up because you'll have my crap family to deal with okay? Stay asleep just a little while longer._

"Dean?" Mary stands up now and walks over to him. He drops his hand from Cas' face quicker than you could snap your fingers. "Are you hungry, do you want anything from the cafeteria?"

He shakes his head. _Don't leave me in here alone with Dad._ "I'm fine."

"Your stomach says otherwise, Dean." Castiel's muffled voice makes him jump a little. "Dean?"

"I'm fine." The second the lie comes out of his mouth he knows that Cas knows the truth. Cas sits up quickly and pulls away from Dean. "I'm fine." Cas shakes his head. "I am."

"What do you want, I'll get it for you."

"I'm fine." _Don't leave._ He squeezes his hand. "Don't."

"I promise that I will be right back, Dean." Dean shakes his head, completely unaware of his family watching him. All he's aware of is that Cas is about to let go of his hand and walk out hat door. "What do you want to eat?" Dean doesn't let go, he keeps squeezes his hand. "Dean, I promise, okay?" His eyes become big and puppy-like and Dean finally nods. How can he say no to those eyes?

"A cheese burger and some water?"

"Alright." He kisses Dean's cheek and pulls away from him. "Nice to see you again, Sam." He messes up Sammy's hair then walks out of the room. Mary tries to give him money, but Cas shakes his head and continues walking. Now alone with his family, Dean feels small.

The first thing that anybody does is hug him. Sam pulls himself up on the bed more and throws himself on Dean and Mary hugs him gently, as if more aware of his pain or something. When Sam pulls himself off Dean, pain shoots through his chest. "So Cas is like your . . . girlfriend? But is a guy?" Sam is the first one to end the awkward tenseness before them.

"Yeah, I guess." But inside Dean feels like Cas is more than his boyfriend; he's something else, something special, a soul mate maybe?

"That's wonderful," Mary smiles at him. "I'm glad you're happy."

"So happy you jumped in front of a mugger." Deans brows form a line and his mouth opens to correct his father but Mary shakes her head at him. "I knew you weren't good in school, Dean, but where did your sense go?" Well here it is; the never ending anger towards his eldest son. Where does that anger even come from, Dean wonders. Why does he hate his son so much?

"John, stop."

"No." He scoffs at his wife. "My son runs away and I don't see him for weeks, and when I do it's because he jumped in front of mugger to save a guy-friend."

"John."

"I thought you had sense, Dean. What happened?" Cas happened. He learned that Heaven and Hell are real places, and the thought of losing Cas destroyed him inside.

"John, stop it. This isn't the kind of stress he needs after surgery. Go take a walk." John puts his hand up, as if dismissing her words, but she puts her hand on his arm and pulls it to his side. "Go take a walk, John Winchester." He makes a face at her, Dean doesn't understand the expression, and walks out of the room just as Cas walks in carrying a tray full of food.

"Is that pie?" Dean forces himself to sit up, his hunger conquering his pain. "Cherry pie?"

"Yes, I remember how you like pie so much." He raises a fork. "But you have to share."

"Fine," He takes the tray from Cas and they eat the pie first, ignoring the other foods he brought.

"I want some too." Sammy, still sitting on the bed frowns at Dean. "Give me your fork."

"No." Mouth full of pie, Dean makes a sound that sounds like the word he wants to say, but not quite. "My pie."

"Dean!" Sam crosses his arms. Cas hands him his fork. "Thanks, Cas!" Dean shakes his head.

"My pie." Dean frowns as Sammy takes some of his pie.

"Mmm." Sammy smiles at Dean, teasing him. "This is good."

Dean shakes his head. "I never get to eat my pie."

"You had one bite." Cas teases as he takes his fork and uses it. Dean's eyes narrow at Cas and Sam. "What?"

"My pie."

"I'll run down to the cafe and get more for you, Dean." Mary's voice chimes over everything else.

"Thank you!" Dean smiles and leans back against the pillow as everybody else eats his pie. His mother will be back in a minute with another slice of pie, and this time he's not sharing.

"Dean?" He looks at the door, Mary stands in the doorway without any pie in her hands. "They were out of pie. I got cake though." Seriously? Cake? Not pie? But pie is better. He looks down at the tray in front of him. There's one bite of pie left, but before he knows it, it's on Cas' fork and in his mouth.

"Oops." Cas mumbles with his mouth full. "Sorry." Dean just makes a face at the two boys. _My pie. . ._


	19. Leaving

**Chapter 19****  
Both POV's**

"You can't go." Gabriel is trying to stop Cas from packing all his things. "It's dangerous."

"One demon knows about me, so what?"

"One demon that you sent back to hell to spread word about you, about us."

"So what?" Cas walks back and forth from his bed to the dresser, filling his backpack with clothes. "Dean and I have had this trip planned for months. We're going."

"Even after he got hurt? Protecting you? You're going to risk his life because you promised that you would go on a road trip?" Gabe grabs Cas' wrist and forces him to stop moving. "You're going to risk his life?"

Cas searches his brothers eyes for some kind of understanding. "I can't leave him."

"He almost died because of you. And what about what his mother said? She wants us to leave."

"I am leaving. She can't stop Dean with coming with me."

"Castiel."

"Gabriel." Cas' voice is firm and heavy, showing that he's not moving anywhere.

"So you're going to leave me to go with a human? What about getting back to heaven?"

"I thought you didn't care about heaven." He pulls away from his brother and continues filling his bag.

"I don't. . ." He trails off and looks anywhere but at Castiel. "I didn't think father would hold a grudge against us for this long."

"I think he's serious this time, brother." Cas finishes emptying his drawer and finally zips up his bag. "And I'm seriously going with Dean, and I'm not going back to heaven."

"You're choosing a human over heaven?"

Cas throws his bag over his shoulder. "If being yourself is enough to get us kicked out then I don't want to go home. Wherever Dean is, is home to me."

"You've fallen in love with humanity, brother."

"No, I have fallen in love with a human." He reaches for the doorknob and opens the door slowly. "I am going with Dean, brother. I have to, I love him. We're safer together."

"Fine. But let me wait with you." Gabriel follows his brother outside where they're to wait for Dean to arrive. "You better call me every day, brother."

"I will." Cas walks out into the parking lot. There's a bench on the sidewalk and walks over to sit on it. Gabriel sits down beside him. "I will call you at least once a week."

"No, every day." Gabriel's arms cross. "How am I to know that you're alive?"

"Because. . ." He pauses, trying to remember what Dean had said to him earlier this morning on the phone. "Every Thursday between seven and eight I will call you."

"Every Thursday?"

"Yes, that is what I said, is it not?"

"Brother—" Just then Dean's car rattles into the parking lot, some loud music blaring on the radio. "I mean it, you better call." Cas stands up and nods at his brother. "Castiel, I mean it."

"As do I, brother. Every Thursday I will call you." Dean's radio shuts off and he gets out of the car. "Dean." Cas walks over to him and hugs him. He's not expecting a kiss or anything because Dean is still afraid of public display, but this time Dean grabs Cas' face and kisses him hard on the mouth. "Dean?"

"How are you this morning?" He lets Cas go and leans against the impala.

"I am well. Yourself?"

"I'm great! I can't wait to get out of this town and on the road." He looks at Cas' backpack. "Are you all packed and ready to go?"

"Yes." He tilts his head at Gabriel. "My brother is worried."

Dean turns around and looks at his boyfriend's brother. "Hey, Gabe is it?"

"Yeah."

"Don't worry about Cas, I know everything, okay? And I know how to kick ass if I need to. He'll call you every. . ." He looks to Cas now. "We agreed on Thursday, right?" Cas nods and Dean turns away. "Thursdays he'll call you and we'll be back in the fall."

"Don't let my brother die."

"I won't. Chill dude." He turns back to Castiel. "You ready to go?" Cas nods. "Let's head out then." Before getting into his car he turns back to Gabriel. "I'll keep him safe, I promise."

Once the car is moving along Dean turns some music on. The volume goes up and Cas almost immediately turns it down. "What's wrong with my music, Cassy?"

"Cassy? I thought it was Cas."

"Yeah, it's Cas." Dean reaches over and changes the song to something different, less loud and rocky. "What's wrong with my music?"

"Nothing. I just want to talk to you. Is that a bad thing?"

"No, but dude, we have a whole two months to talk."

Offended, Cas turns to Dean. "You don't want to talk to me?"

"I didn't say that, man."

"You know I don't understand things like you do, Dean. I am not used to being human and I do not get the way you say things that don't mean what they sound like."

"Yeah," Dean makes a sound Cas has never heard before. "It must me hard, not being where you belong and all." Dean takes a hand off the wheel and gestures to the roof of the impala. When he drops his hand it hands in his lap. Cas watching him as he struggles to figure out what to do with his hand. He go back and forth from hitting his thigh to grabbing the wheel to changing the song on the radio. He does this for about a minute, maybe more, maybe less. Cas isn't good at telling time yet.

"Dean."

"What?"

"I am where I need to be." He reaches over and takes Dean's hand. "I'm with you." Momentarily Dean looks away from the road and turns to Cas. He smiles, actually smiles at him and turns back to the road. Cas knows that the smile means he's happy, and that he's glad Cas said it, but he still wishes he said those three words... The three words Cas said that Dean didn't say back. Maybe someday it'll happen... Cas can only hope, and worry that he might not still say the same thing back.


	20. Epilogue: Everything is Perfect

**Epilogue  
****_7 Weeks Later_****  
Both POV**

This summer has been the best summer of both of their lives. Getting away, seeing everything America has to offer, was amazing. They saw the Rocky Mountains and a giant coffee cup, they went to a rock concert and Dean showed Cas how to rock it. They saw the biggest ball of rubber bands and went to an art museum. Dean didn't want to see art, but Cas insisted, and it turned out to be pretty fun. They discovered that fireflies don't come out in cities as much as they do in the countryside and that motel rooms aren't the roomiest places ever. They also learned that people aren't the most open or accepting of people like them. They also learned that demons are a pain to kill and vampires are real too.

The first weeks of the summer were the fun parts. The last couple of weeks were different. The demon that came after them earlier wasn't the last one. More came for Cas and when Dean started killing them they started coming for him too. A vampire came after him too, saying that there was a bounty on his head from the demons. After that things like witches and shapeshifters were after them. Whatever that bounty is, it must be a lot, because everything is coming after them. Everything is pretty easy to kill though, honestly. The angel blade deals with the demons and shifters, and Cas learned to make holy water for the vampires. Witches are the most difficult things to deal with. At least with what they've encountered so far.

There's only a week left in the summer, and by the end of this week they're supposed to be back in Lawrence with their family, ready to go back to school. But something's wrong, Dean feels something is wrong. He wonders if Cas feels it too. Watching Cas pace back and forth while talking on their phone makes him curious about things. Like what is he saying to Gabriel? What is he thinking? Does he want to go back to Lawrence? Would he be alright if he just stayed here? Doing whatever? Because Dean would. He doesn't know how they could possibly leave this life behind and return to a normal one.

What they're doing is killing things, monsters, and saving humans, saving people. How can he go back to a normal life after knowing all this about the world? After knowing that he can save lives and kill things that are dangerous. Dean doesn't want to return to Kansas. He doesn't want to go back. He wants to kill things, and he wants to save people. It's all he wants. And to be with Cas. Hunting and Cas are all he wants.

On the phone in front of the impala Cas is on the phone with his brother. On Thursday they were fighting a witch and they missed a phone call and Gabriel is angry. More than angry, he's pissed, as Dean would put it.

"You didn't call me. You promised. I thought you were dead."

"I'm not dead, brother. I'm very much alive."

"Yeah, well I thought you were dead!" Gabriel yells into the phone so loudly that Cas has to pull the phone away from his ear. He turns to Dean while Gabe yells and smiles. Dean waves and smiles back, and sits up on the hood of the car. Dean must be eager to call Sammy, or to sleep. They've been awake a long time… Doing lots of things together.

"Well, I'm alive, brother. Is there anything else you want to tell me, other than you thinking I was dead?" Cas turns away from Dean and faces the sunset in the opposite direction. Cas doesn't know where they are but Dean decided to pull over in a parking lot off the highway for the night, facing the sunset over the water. "Dean has to call Sam, so I shouldn't talk to you long."

"You can talk to me as long as I want. I'm your brother." Gabe's voice is calming down now, enough that Cas can put the phone directly on his ear again. "How's your trip going?"

"It's fine. We went to the white house."

"I thought you did that last week?" Oh… Gabe doesn't know about their little fights and such.

"Oh, we went and saw it again. Dean thought we didn't have a good enough photo or something."

"That doesn't sound like Dean…" Cas can almost hear Gabe frowning on the other end. "You forget that I am the trickster, brother. I am Loki. You forget that."

"I do not forget; I simply ignore."

"Well I know you're hiding something from me, what is it? Tell me now."

"Okay…"

Cas still talks to Gabe over on the grass. Slowly he paces, and Dean can tell that he's telling Gabriel the truth. Dean's gotten used to Castiel's quirks and mannerisms. He knows easily by the unrelaxed pose and quick pacing that Cas is feeling unsettled and worried. "Cas?" He calls. Cas walks over and Dean slides down on the impala. Cas steps beside the car and Dean pulls him to stand in between his legs. "Hang up." He whispers as he reaches over and kisses Cas' ear. "Hang up."

"He can hear you. And he says he's mad at you."

"Well whatever. They came after us, we just protected ourselves." Cas frowns at Dean and puts a hand on his knee. "Hang up." He grabs Cas' hips and pulls him closer. "Hang up."

"Gabriel?" Cas speaks into the phone. "I'm hanging up now." He presses the end call button on the phone and sets it on the hood of the car. "You better call Sam."

"But we were having a moment." Dean frowns, reaching down and picking up the phone. "You know, Sammy can wait… We can… you know."

"Call your brother, Dean. You have to call your brother. You know that if you don't your mother will worry if you don't call him." Cas pulls away from Dean and he jumps off the impala. "I'll be here when you're done talking to him."

"Yeah." He rolls his eyes and walks away, dialing Sam's number. Sam picks up on the first ring, as if waiting for this call.

"Dean!"

"Sammy! How's everything at home?"

"Fine…" Sam goes on and on about the science camp he's in and how him and Jess are going to win some kind of competition. Sam sounds so happy and so excited for Dean to come back home. Dean decides now to break it to him.

"Sammy… Cas and I we might not come home yet."

"What? Dean, you promised."

"Okay, Sammy, I'll come visit you and Mom, but it's awesome out here, the two of us. We're going to explore the rest of the world, I think. Cas wants to see Canada, and maybe Mexico too. And the beaches down in Brazil would be awesome. Imagine all the babes!"

"Dean, you don't have to pretend with me."

Right… Sam knows about him and Cas. He's always known, somehow. "I forgot, sorry. I'm not used to people knowing…" Of course, he's still into girls, being bisexual means he's into both males and females, but he's Castiel's right now. He's in love with Cas… "So how's everything else?"

"Fine. Your boyfriend's brother, Gabe, he's weird... Get Cas to tell him to leave me alone."

"He's only teasing, he likes playing tricks." Dean laughs, thinking about the stories Cas told him of 'Loki', Gabriel's alter ego. Loki played a bunch of tricks all around Heaven, and now it looks like he's chosen Sam as his new victim. "It's his thing, Sam. He's fine."

"Well, it's evil."

"No…" He laughs again and continues talking to Sam. Eventually he hangs up walks back to Cas on the impala. The sun has completely set now and the sky is dark above them. Cas is leaning back on the impala, looking very tired. Dean, also tired chucks the phone in the front seat and lies on the hood with Cas.

"You tired?"

"Yeah." He yawns. Dean turns his head towards Cas and sees his eyes close. "Being human is hard."

"Do you… Ever think about going back to Heaven? With Gabriel?"

Cas opens his eyes and turns his head towards Dean. "Why would I want to go back to Heaven? Earth is where I belong. My father kicked me out of Heaven because I wanted free will and to be with my brother. He gave that to me, and he gave me you. Why would I want to go back there?"

"Because it's your home. You were born there, and you grew up there. Your family is there."

"Your family is in Kansas, yet you don't want to go there."

"That's different." Dean sits up, eager to avoid this.

"No it's not. I don't want to go _home_. Here is my home. Don't you get that?" Cas sits up and puts a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Wherever you go, I go. That's home."

"So…" Dean turns to look at Cas. "You would hunt with me? Kill things, save people?"

"If that's what you want, then I want it too." Good, Dean thinks, because he's not going back to Lawrence, not yet, not now at least. Not for a while. "Dean…" Cas leans back down against the impala. "We're a weird pair, aren't we?"

"Yeah," Dean laughs. "A fallen angel and a stupid kid who wants to hunt things."

"You're not stupid." Cas yawns again, showing how tired he is.

"Cas…" Dean sits up straight on the impala, preparing himself for the next thing he's about to say. "Castiel, I love you."

Cas sits up so fast that all the air is knocked right out of him. "Dean… Dean…" He can't get anything else out. Dean said it. He really said it… Those words came out of his mouth. "Dean… You…"

"Yeah, Cas, I love you, man. I love you."

"Dean." Cas grabs Dean and pulls him towards him in a way he never has before. Normally Dean is in charge, but something in Cas takes over and he becomes the boss. He pushes Dean against the car and starts kissing him with a need unlike anything he's ever had before. Quickly he moves them to the back of the impala, and just as quickly their clothes are off and away.

Dean said it; those three words. Finally he said them, and now everything is perfect. Everything is how it always should have been. They are together, in love and forever together, never apart.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Everything is perfect. . . . Absolutely everything.

* * *

_**Well, this is it, this is the end of this fic! Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed! Leave a review/comment if you want! And thanks again for reading!**_

_**I enjoyed writing this... and it's my first piece of fanfic so I know it's probably not the best, but I enjoyed writing it and I hope to write more soon!**_


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